


Echoes

by Cadburytrooper96



Series: It's always Darkest Before the Dawn [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Theseus Scamander, Brother Feels, Brotherly Bonding, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Post-Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Protective Newt Scamander, Shameless author insert, Shock, Spoilers, Theseus slowly recovering, Thesival!, This is lowkey my way of dealing with grief as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-08-27 09:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16699870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadburytrooper96/pseuds/Cadburytrooper96
Summary: Typical 5 stages of grief + an additional chapter.Spoilers for Crimes of Grindelwald.





	1. Denial

Theseus stumbles into his bedroom. His head is still reeling from the events at Pere Lachaise and everything afterward feels like a dream. He trips against something on the floor and curses before realizing what it is. 

It’s one of her shoes. The last time they’d been in here together, they’d been so eager to undress each other their clothes had gone flying in all directions. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Newt and his Auror friend are going round the house, casting wards and protection spells and he should join them but he can’t seem to get his body to move. All he can do is stare at her shoe. 

She’d never liked ostentatious things. They reminded her too much of a cold childhood and an even colder father. She never asked for anything other than the necessities but he loved spoiling her, loved giving her everything.

“Thes. Thes.”

He startles at his brother’s voice and looks up to find Newt staring down at him with a concerned look. “I was saying that perhaps we stay at my place for the night.” Newt says and he shakes his head.

“Thes-” Newt begins but he can’t hear whatever his brother has to say.

“I c-can't leave her.” He says in a voice barely above a whisper. “I-I can’t.” He knows he’s not making any sense right now but he’s hoping that Newt of all people will understand. Newt’s eyes take on a look of sorrow and he understands what his brother is not saying. 

“We'll stay here for the night then.” Newt says gently. Theseus starts to argue but Newt stops him with a look. “I’m not leaving you in here alone, Thes. Not after...” His voice trails off but they both know what he meant to say. Theseus gives a jerky nod and Newt leaves him alone. He can hear his brother speaking to his other friends but everything else fades out.

Theseus takes a look around his room, around Leta’s clothes flung in the corner, her perfume still heavy in the air and finally lets himself break down.

* * *

 

The rest of the week is a blur. He has to give statements, interviews and answer all sorts of ludicrous questions from ‘concerned’ citizens. He has a prepared statement that he keeps repeating until it almost feels like that’s what really happened. He’s taken to spending most of his nights at Newt’s place because, after the first night, the silence in his house becomes a crushing weight. 

It’s weird being in the same space with his brother after years apart but Newt quietly gives him his space and teaches him how to care for his creatures. 

His first day back after two weeks of mourning is eerie. He doesn’t know which he hates the most; people avoiding his gaze or them giving him pitying looks. He knows he’s not going to be able to get any work done if people keep handling him with kid gloves so he throws himself into the chase for Grindelwald. 

He tracks down every lead, talks to every contact, visits every place where there’s a sighting. His office becomes his bedroom and he spends more nights there than anywhere else. It’s in this mess that he reacquaints himself with Percival Graves.

MACUSA has become something of a joke lately, what with Grindelwald impersonating a high ranking officer and evading capture. Seraphina Piquery is trying to keep control of the house while her guard dog, Percival Graves, cleans up the mess of their office. 

Percival walks into his office like he owns the place and before he knows it, the two are working together like they’ve never been apart. 

“I cannot understand how my little brother could tell you from Grindelwald but the rest of your department couldn’t.” Theseus says as the two share a late-night drink. They’re pretty much the only ones left at the Ministry now and they’re able to cut loose a little. 

“Oh, I make sure they never forget.” Percival replies. “I love to remind them that little dragon obsessed Scamander managed to see what they couldn’t every day.” Theseus snorts at his words. 

“I can see that.” He says as he knocks back his drink. “Do you still give the ‘constant vigilance’ talk to the Junior Aurors?” He asks and Percival nods. 

“Hopefully it sinks in better with them than it did with the other lot.” Percival says darkly and Theseus pours him another drink.

“I heard about Leta.” Percival says casually and pain blooms in Theseus’ chest. He doesn’t talk about her anymore. Everyone knows better than to mention her name in his presence and the press has caught on that he will not discuss anything to do with her. It’s not like he doesn’t know she’s.....gone, he just  _can’t._

“Percy, I can’t-” The words stick in his throat and Percival waves his words away.

“Not asking you to, Thes.” Percival says softly. “I’m just saying that I understand how it feels to be fucked over by Grindelwald and have to keep moving forward.” Percival looks up at him and for a split second, Theseus can see the same pain and despair he carries mirrored in his eyes. 

Theseus can only nod and Percival refills his glass. “Now, are you going to tell me how exactly you managed to convince anyone to appoint you as Head Auror?” Percival asks teasingly. Theseus glares at him in mock indignation and for a few moments, Theseus is allowed to forget. 

* * *

 

Newt and Tina are waiting for him when gets back to Newt’s place. There are two bottles sitting in front of them and Theseus knows he’s been caught. 

“I see you still haven’t figured out boundaries, Newton.” Theseus says, deciding to throw the first punch.

“How long have you been taking these?” Newt’s voice is dangerously quiet and a little voice in the back of his head tells him he’s in real trouble here. Theseus ignores it. 

“Two months.” Theseus replies and Merlin’s beard has it been that long? Newt swears under his breath and Tina places a reassuring hand on him. 

“Newt and I are...concerned about you. All you do is work.” Tina says slowly. “You’ve shut yourself away from your friends and family, you haven’t gone home in weeks and you’ve been taking  **both**  dreamless sleep and girding potion.”

“I miss Leta too, Thes.” Newt begins and Theseus shakes his head in denial.

“Don’t.” He chokes out but Newt just keeps talking.

“I miss her but she’d gone, Thes. She’s dead-”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Theseus yells but Newt just keeps talking.

“-and I understand how you feel.” Newt says but Theseus has had enough.

“No, you don’t! You say that but you don’t.” He yells. “Leta was...” Theseus’s throat begins to close up and he feels as though he’s watching her die all over again. “She was everything to me.” He says in a broken whisper. “I know you hated us for being together but I loved her so much and now she’s-” He draws in a shaky breath.

“She’s gone and I can’t-I can’t-” It’s like all the air in the room has been sucked out and he can’t breathe. The room is spinning around him and he feels someone wrap their arms around him. He’s pushed into a chair and Newt’s face swims in front of him. He’s saying something but he can’t hear it over the sound of blood rushing in his ears.

“Breathe, Thes. In. Out. In. Out.”

Newt takes exaggerated breaths and Theseus manages to mirror his actions. 

“That’s it. Just breathe with me.” Newt says and Theseus does so until his breathing pattern returns to normal. His brother’s words come back to him and the pain in his chest returns.

“She’s dead, Newt.” He says, his breath hitching. 

“I know. I’m so sorry, Thes.” Newt says softly and that seems to be his breaking point. All the emotions he’s tried to ignore for the past two months come rushing out and he collapses in his brother’s arms as he finally lets them out.


	2. Anger

Theseus makes a noise of frustration as he sits in his seat. They’ve been trying to go after Grindelwald for weeks now but every time they think they have something on him, they come up short. It’s beginning to grate on his nerves. 

“He loves to toy with his victims, Thes.” Percival says to him as he looks over the reports from their various operations. “Don’t play into it. He’s bound to let something slip at some point. Besides, we should focus our attention on Credence.” 

“Don’t tell me Newt’s gotten to you too.” Theseus says in surprise. His brother has been campaigning for them to rescue the Obscurial from Grindelwald’s grasp. To him, an Obscurial was a loose cannon that needed to be nipped in the bud but to his soft-hearted brother, Credence Barebone was a victim of circumstances and needed to be helped. It had brought about many debates between the two of them and he could swear Newt was close to hexing him on several occasions. 

“Your brother has his heart in the right place.” Percival says, chuckling at Theseus’ look of distaste. “We now know that Grindelwald can’t move against Dumbledore, my guess is he’s using Credence as a way to take the good professor out.” 

“How would he convince Credence to do so?” Theseus asks. “Last I saw of him, Credence wanted to find out who he was. How does he make the jump from searching for family to killing Dumbledore?” Percival takes in a deep breath.

“The official story is Goldstein’s sister is dead, killed in the skirmish in Paris but the truth is, she’s switched sides.” Percival says slowly. Theseus’ brows furrow in confusion. “She’s a Legilimens. It’s not set in stone but we think he could be using her to manipulate thoughts.” Percival clarifies.

“Goldstein knows about this?” Theseus asks and Percival nods. “What’s she doing to help?” He asks and Percival sighs.

“Queenie’s her sister-”

“And she’s an Auror. Her job comes first, she knew that from day one.” Theseus snaps back. 

“She’s doing her best, just don’t mention it. It’s a sore subject.” Percival says in a coaxing tone. Theseus rolls his eyes in frustration but remains silent. 

* * *

 

Newt’s invited him to dinner with his friends. Tina Goldstein has permanently made a home in Britain, along with their muggle friend. Jacob Kowalski has opened a bakery on Diagon Alley and things seem to be going well for him as well. It seems everyone is moving on from the events in Paris four months ago. 

Everyone except him.

He’s had a bit to drink before coming here and the more he thinks about what Percival’s told him, the angrier he gets. Tina is his brother’s...lover for lack of a better term and the way things are going, she’ll be his sister-in-law soon enough. She’s a capable Auror and a good person but right now, none of those things matter.

All that matters is that her sister is in cahoots with the man who killed his fiancée and Theseus is fucking pissed. Common sense tells him that he should either shut up or leave but he’s never really been one to be sensible.

“Percival told me something quite interesting the other day.” Theseus says in a casual tone. The conversation around the table halts and Newt eyes him curiously. “Your sister, Queenie is it, happens to be working with a certain dark lord.” 

The mood around the table has quickly dropped and beside him, Jacob grows pale. “Theseus, stop.” Newt says in a level tone but Theseus ignores him. 

“Percy also tells me that you’re unwilling to contribute any efforts to help catch her.” Theseus continues. Tina is pale and he can see her hand trembling next to Newt’s. 

“I...I don’t have anything that could help.” Tina stutters and Theseus has had enough.

“You don’t have anything or you don’t want to give anything?” He snaps. “I wonder how the Ministry would take to having one of it’s Aurors being sisters with a backstabbing-” 

“ _Silencio.”_

His voice suddenly cuts off and Theseus finds he can’t speak. To his surprise, Newt not Tina is the one with their wand in their hand. His brother’s face is red with rage and Theseus gets the feeling that he’s really put his feet in it now.

“I’m going to let you have your voice back and then you’re going to get out.” Newt says in a dangerously quiet voice and Theseus knows he’s lucky his brother is only speaking to him and not punching him. Tina’s eyes shimmer with tears and Jacob is glaring at him so he definitely won’t be missed. Newt undoes the charm and Theseus disapparates out of the house seconds after.

He lands back in his own home, a little worse for wear and stumbles into the bedroom. Leta’s things have been packed away and the room is void of any hints of her presence. He should get some work done seeing as sleep is out of the question but he can’t seem to focus on anything.

Tearing into Tina did nothing to alleviate the rage simmering inside of him. He can feel it building up in him, just waiting to be unleashed. If he’s truly really honest with himself, he’s not angry at Tina. She’s a victim in this whole situation, no the person who he’s truly angry at is Leta.

He’s angry that she sacrificed herself for nothing.

He’s angry that she was even there in the first place when he’d safely left her at the Ministry.

He’s angry for loving her so much.

He’s angry that the world keeps moving on like nothing had changed.

He’s angry she’s gone.

Theseus brushes away a tear that has begun to streak down his cheek and stands up from his position on their- _his_ bed and apparates to the Ministry. At least there he’ll find something to keep his mind busy.

* * *

 

Theseus wakes up with start. His wand is in his hand before he even opens his eyes and he blinks as he takes in Percival Graves’s dry expression. He can guess why Percy is in his office and he takes in a deep breath.

“Well are you going to stand there and glare disapprovingly or are you going to say something?” He asks casually. 

“You’re lucky Newt only said words and didn’t hex you into oblivion.” Percival says as he places a brown paper bag and a folder on his desk. The delicious smell of baked goods wafts up to him and his stomach grumbles. 

“She tattled on me?” Theseus asks, mildly amused and Percival rolled his eyes. 

“Jacob was kind enough to inform me of last night's events when I picked those up.” Percival says as he sits down. He waves his hand and a kettle and two cups float into his office.

“Show off.” Theseus’s says between bites of flaky, buttery pastry. “What’s this then?” He asks, referring to the folder sitting on his desk.

“My report on the circumstances surrounding Grindelwald’s rally as well as my investigations.” Percival says as he sips a cup of coffee.

Theseus blinks. If Percy is handing his report in then that means he’s leaving permanently. For some strange reason, he feels bitter at the thought. “Right. You have to get back to MACUSA.” He says slowly. 

“That I do. Crime doesn’t take a vacation and from Seraphina’s letters, I’d say I’m sorely needed.” Percival replies with a small smile. “I’ve enjoyed being here, Theseus. The change of pace and the company.” He says his last sentence with a pointed look in Theseus’ direction for reasons Theseus can’t explain.

“When do you leave?” He asks in what he hopes is a nonchalant tone. 

“About an hour’s time.” Percival says softly. “My things are all packed, I just wanted to say goodbye in person.” 

An hour. That’s...sooner than he expected. 

“Alright. Well, I’ve enjoyed having you here too, Percival.” He says stiffly as he opens the folder. Percival downs the last of his coffee before standing up.

“Take care of yourself, Theseus.” Percival says gently. There’s something in his tone that makes Theseus look up and Percival is looking at him like there’s more he’d like to say but he stays silent. Percival gives him a curt nod by way of goodbye and is halfway to the door before he stops.

“I’d consider apologising to Tina if I were you.” He says with a hint of a smile. “She’s not an Auror you want on your bad side.” With that, he’s gone and Theseus’ office seems a little dimmer.

* * *

 

Theseus is considering wrapping things up and heading back to his empty house when his door swings open. He looks up only to see Tina standing in front of him. She has her wand in her hand and Theseus supposes he deserves one hex for his words at dinner. He’s prepared for her attack but her next words surprise him.

“She loves to cook.” Tina says simply and Theseus’ forehead scrunches in confusion. “Her favourite colour is pink. She loves dancing and one of her favourite things to have on is jazz. She’s not afraid of what people think because she can hear it a mile away and it shows in everything she does. She loves-” Tina pauses and swallows past the lump in her throat. “She  **loved**  Jacob.” She says, her voice slightly hoarse.

By now Theseus can feel the guilt welling up in him and he shifts uneasily. 

“When I said I had nothing that could help, I meant it.” Tina continues. “The Queenie I know would never even entertain the notion of joining Grindelwald. The person who left in Pere Lachaise was not my sister.”

The mention of ‘Pere Lachaise’ still tugs at something painful in him and Theseus winces.

“I...I’m sorry Tina.” Theseus says lamely. “Percival brought it up and all I could think of was that my brother is dating the sister of a woman who’s in company with the man who killed my fiancée.” The words feel odd rolling of Theseus’ tongue but he knows he has to get used to saying them.

“Do you...not want me to be around Newt?” Tina asks timidly and Theseus looks at her in alarm.

“Of course not!” Theseus exclaims. “My brother loves you, I’d never stand in the way of that. The day I try is the day Newt tries to kill me for it.” Tina’s cheeks colour at his words and despite the fact that he’s happy his brother is in love, a wave of bitterness surges over him because his brother’s love is still alive and his isn’t.

“I was out of line last night. It won’t happen again.” Theseus says, swallowing down the ball of anger growing in his gut. 

“You should tell Jacob that too.” Tina says gently. “He hasn’t been the same since Queenie left and your words really hurt him.” In his drunken rage, he’d forgotten all about the portly, kind-hearted baker and doesn’t that say a lot about him?

“I shall seek out Mr Kowalski and apologise to him as well.” Theseus says and Tina nods in satisfaction. 

“Before I forget, I’ve informed the minister about my sister.” She said calmly and Theseus blinks in surprise. He’d never actually meant to push her that far.

“He was surprisingly okay about it. Apparently, he’d been aware.” Tina stares him down and Theseus suddenly feels very small. “I understand that you’re grieving and I will support you in any way you need but don’t you ever use my sister against me again.” Her voice is low and threatening and Theseus suddenly understands why Percy urged him to apologize. Tina Goldstein can be downright terrifying when she wants to be.

“You have my word.” Theseus says weakly and Tina nods again before leaving. Despite the resentment and anger flowing through him, Theseus feels ashamed at his actions. Mother would have washed his mouth out with soap if she’d been at the table with them. 

 _Speaking of mother, I really do need to visit._  She and Father have been sending letters and trying to convince him to move back home. He understands their concern but he is  **not**  moving back to be smothered by his parents. 

Theseus looks down at his desk. He really should go home but his apartment is out of the question, Newt would probably attack him if he’d put one foot in his house and if he went to his parents, there’s no coming back. Theseus glances at the pile of Auror applications waiting to be approved.  _I might as well._ He summons a cup of coffee with his wand and gets to work.

* * *

 

_He’s back at Pere Lachaise. Grindelwald’s blue fire is swirling in the amphitheatre and Leta is standing a few paces away from him. He’s casting shields in an effort to get to her and_ _she’s just within his grasp_ _. He reaches over to touch her and his hand passes right through her. Leta turns to him, her face pale and haunted._

_“Why didn’t you save me?” She asks in a hollow voice. “You’re Head_ _Auror_ _, Theseus. Why didn’t you save me?”_

Theseus wakes up with a start. 

His heart is thumping wildly in his chest and his mug has shattered into pieces. He can hear his assistant’s voice outside his door and he swallows thickly. 

“Mr Scamander? Mr Scamander? Are you alright?”

She’s going to burst into his office any moment now and Theseus scrambles to make his office look somewhat presentable. The scattered papers thrown across his desk rearrange themselves, the mug is quickly made whole and Theseus casts a spell to straighten out his clothes so he doesn’t look like he’s spent yet another night here even though  **everyone**  knows he has.

He unlocks his door and his assistant comes bursting in. “Sir? I heard a crash, is everything alright?” She says. She’s a sweet and competent woman and although his office looks very much lived in, he knows she won’t point it out unless she absolutely needs to. 

“I’m fine, Maggie.” Theseus says hoarsely. His throat feels raw like he’s been screaming and his mind flashes back to his dream. 

“Sir?” Maggie says cautiously and that’s when Theseus realizes his face is wet.  _Fuck. Fuck._  This is the absolute last thing he needs right now, someone witnessing his emotional breakdowns does not reflect well on his competency. 

“Actually, I’ll be on my way out.” He says stoically as his hand passes across his face to wipe away his tears. “There’s a pile of approved Aurors on my desk, I trust you can contact the necessary individuals.” He apparates out of his office and finds himself a few feet away from the Ministry. 

His hands are trembling and he sucks in deep breaths. The sadness is overwhelming, it’s like a bottomless pit that threatens to drown him and Theseus scrambles for the anger that has pushed him through his emotions for the past couple of months. He recalls the fact that Queenie is helping Grindelwald, that Leta’s life has been cut short, that MACUSA had Grindelwald in their fucking grasp and he somehow managed to slip away, that Percival has left and he feels the familiar rush of rage well up in him.

His anger is a shield to the depression slowly building in him and Theseus welcomes it like an old friend. The sun is just peeking over the horizon and he knows Mr Kowalski would be just preparing his baked goods. He’s promised Tina he’d apologize and he’d honestly rather not find out what she’d do if he fails to follow through on his promise. He envisions Jacob’s small bakery in his mind and takes in a deep breath before apparating there.

* * *

 

Theseus lands ungracefully outside the muggle’s bakery. He, Tina and Percival have taken extreme measures to make sure Jacob is safe and the small unassuming bakery is as secure as Gringotts. He takes shaky steps towards Jacob’s bakery and knocks on the door. He’s not open for another two hours but he knows the good-natured man is in there.

A few moments pass before Jacob’s head pops out of the kitchen. His eyes narrow at the appearance of the older Scamander and Theseus fidgets uncertainly. Jacob wipes his hands on his apron and makes his way over to the door. He opens it and Theseus ducks in.

“Somethin’ wrong with Newt and Tina?” Jacob says and Theseus frowns. 

“No. Why would you say that?”

“I figure you’d only be here if somethin’ wus wrong with ‘em.” Jacob says and isn’t that just another thing to feel guilty about?

“Tina and Newt are fine. I...” Theseus’ voice trails off and Jacob looks at him expectantly. “I wanted to apologize for my words the other night. I did not mean to bring up the topic in such a callous way.” Jacob scrutinizes him before gesturing for him to sit.

“When’s the last time you had somethin’ to eat?” Jacob asks and Theseus blinks at the question. Now that he has to think about it, he’s only had a few bites to eat through the past 24 hours, along with copious amounts of coffee which might explain why he feels as shaky as a new-born hippogriff.

His silence is enough of an answer and Jacob dives back into the kitchen. He can hear Jacob rustling around and Theseus awkwardly waits for him to come back. Jacob places a plate of what looks to be pancakes down on the table and some cutlery. Theseus looks between him and the plate before slowly picking up the fork and hesitantly cutting into the pancakes. Jacob sits down next to him and waits until he’s eating until he starts to speak.

“I’m glad you came back to apologize, but I think you meant to be callous.” Jacob says in a conversational tone. Theseus opens his mouth to refute his statement but Jacob gives him a pointed look before glancing down at his plate. 

Theseus gets the hint and keeps eating.

“You might not admit it but I reckon you wanted to hurt Tina.” Jacob continues. “You said those things ‘cause you was hurting and you wanted to hurt the people close to you too.” He says it in a tone that leaves no room for arguing and Theseus swallows past the lump that is slowly forming in his throat.

“You’re angry ain’t ya?” Jacob asks and Theseus nods. “I’m angry too, Mr Scamander. It ain’t the same with you but your gal died to save you. Queenie left. She got sucked into Grindelwald’s game and she left.”

His last words were delivered with a tone of anguish and Theseus suddenly feels like he’s seeing the baker in a new light.

“I’d take Leta being alive with Grindelwald over her being dead.” He says lowly. “I never wanted her there, I left her at the Ministry but she just  **had**  to be there and it was all for nothing. She died and it was all for nothing and I’m so fucking angry.” His eyes sting with tears and Theseus tries to blink them away. Jacob gives him a sympathetic look.

“She did it to save you. She knew she wus gonna die but she choose herself over you.” Jacob says gently. “You ain’t mad at her, Mr Scamander. You’re mad at yourself.”

Jacob’s words pierce through him like an arrow and Theseus draws in a shaky breath.  

“You’re mad at yourself ‘cause you wasn’t able to save her.” Jacob continues, his words sounding amplified in the empty bakery. “I know that ‘cause I am too. I try to think of ways I coulda stopped Queenie, what I said, what I didn’t say. It’s enough to drive a fella crazy, ain’t it?” He says in Theseus’ direction and Theseus gives a shaky nod.

“You’re allowed to be angry, Mr Scamander but you’re also allowed to forgive yourself.” Jacob says gently. “It’s easy to get all caught up in what you did wrong but our gals...they made their own choices. Your Leta don’t strike me as the type of gal to back down and neither was Queenie.” 

Theseus makes a noise between a sob and a laugh. Leta wouldn’t have left even if he’d ordered her out. She was just that stubborn and headstrong. 

“I...I don’t know if I can.” Theseus whispers. “I’m a war hero, the Head Auror and I couldn’t even save her. My one job as her fiancée was to protect her and I couldn’t even do that.” Tears roll down his cheeks and Theseus makes no attempt to wipe them away. To Jacob, he’s just Newt’s asshole brother and he doesn’t have to hold himself to the same standards as he does with others. 

Jacob reaches out and pats Theseus’ arm. “It’s tough and I ain’t gonna say I understand ‘cause I don’t but...” Jacob’s voice trails off and he takes a moment to phrase his words properly. “I don’t think she’d blame you and I don’t think she’d want you to blame yourself.”

Theseus chocks back a sob. It’s insane how right Jacob is. Leta would think him daft for acting like this. She’s always had a strong will and there wasn’t anyone who could tell her what to do, much to his annoyance sometimes. 

Theseus swallows back the rest of his tears because he still has  _some_  standards. Jacob waits till he’s gotten a fragile hold on himself before speaking up again. “You eat as much of that as you can and then you can head up. I got an apartment upstairs, you can get some sleep.” He says kindly. Theseus already has a bunch of excuses on the tip of his tongue but Jacob is already on his feet and is on his way back to the kitchen.

He could leave but where would he go?

Theseus takes a few more bites of the pancakes before pushing his plate away. The plate floats into the kitchen and he manages a weak smile at Jacob’s yelp of surprise. He suddenly feels exhausted and drained, like a piece of laundry that’s been wrung out to dry. 

Sleep seems like a good idea and he plods up the stairs to Jacob’s apartment. He stumbles on to the couch and passes out in seconds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, it's quite normal to feel angry at yourself and your deceased loved one when grieving. It feels kinda weird to be mad at someone who's dead but human emotions are wack. I like the idea of Jacob helping Theseus out here because it seems to be like he'd have a lot to be mad about. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation and some pretty dark thoughts. If you can't deal with this chapter then you absolutely don't have to read it and I won't be offended if you skip over it.

Theseus lays in bed as his alarm goes off. 

It goes off at 5:30 am every day he stays in his home. The thing is...he’s been awake since 3:00 am. He’d jerked awake from a nightmare and hadn’t been able to get back to sleep. In weeks past, he might have gone down to the Ministry and kept fighting the good fight but the thing is...

Theseus is fucking tired. 

It’s not just a physical tiredness. It’s an emotional one. He feels as though all the energy in him has been drained out of his every pore. Thank Merlin for magic because tasks as small as getting water to drink seem to be like pushing a boulder up a hill.

“ _Silencio.”_ He murmurs under his breath and the noise blaring from the alarm cuts off.  _You need to get up,_ _Thes_ _. You need to get up._

Theseus keeps lying in bed. 

* * *

 

Theseus finally makes it into work in the early hours of 3:00 pm. His Aurors stay out of his way and no one bothers to ask him questions. On the outside, Theseus looks as poised as ever but, on the inside, he’s a wreck. He waves a hand as he walks into his office and the bottle of gin that’s permanently sitting on his table pours a drink into a glass.

If he’s going to get any work done, he’s going to have to kiss sobriety goodbye. There are a number of letters on his desk and he waves them away. He glimpses something that looks like Percival Graves’ handwriting and he pauses. 

He opens the letter with one hand and takes a swig of alcohol with the other. 

_Dear Theseus,_

_You seem to think that not replying to my letters is going to deter me. Rest assured, I will continue to piss you off with my letters until you fucking reply and I know you’re reading them so don’t even try to_ _act_ _like you’re not._

Theseus snorts at Percival’s words. He’s going to have a word with Maggie about letting the secrets of the Ministry lose to their partners across the pond.

_I sincerely hope you are well. Remember that I am always here to speak with if you need to and if not I, then your family. I know it has been years since we were in the trenches together but I would like to think that we are more than professional_ _acquaintances_ _. You do not need to be alone._

_Yours,_

_Percival Graves_

Theseus lets out a soft sigh. Perhaps he does not  **need**  to be alone but it doesn’t change the fact that he is.

* * *

 

“Sir?” 

Theseus looks up to see the worried face of Tina Goldstein. He waits patiently for her to speak and Tina awkwardly fidgets.

“Well, um, Newt and I...well we were wondering if you’d like to come to dinner tonight.” Tina stutters.

“An engagement dinner?” Theseus asks because he cannot for the life of him, understand why Newt would want him over for a usual dinner after what happened the last time. Tina flushes and frantically shakes her head.

“I-No! I mean, I hope that one day you are invited to one of those, I don’t know if Newt would ever want to be w-with me in that manner but-”

“Alright, alright.” Theseus says, cutting her off. “Who else is going to be present?” He asks. Tina looks away and Theseus suddenly realizes what’s going on.

“I do hope you’re better at interrogating suspects than you are with convincing me.” He says dryly. 

“We’re worried, Thes and with good reason.” Tina says, dropping the formalities. “Just...Just come to dinner.” Theseus takes in a deep breath. Logically he knows that his family just wants to be there for him but he just can’t do it. 

He doesn’t have the strength to keep up social graces past the Auror façade and if he’s reading between the lines, his parents are most likely going to be present. He cannot take the pitying looks and the falsely soothing voices he knows will meet him at dinner.

“Tell Newt that I am deeply sorry but the responsibilities of being Head Auror have me tied to my desk.” Theseus says. Tina glares at him but Theseus stares her down. 

“Okay. I’ll leave you be but please remember that we’re here, Thes.” Tina says gently. “We’re always here.” Her words hang in the air for a few more seconds before she turns to leave. 

* * *

 

Theseus smiles at the man not so subtly throwing him glances from across the bar. He’s never had any difficulty pulling anyone he wishes and it seems grief has not impacted his charm. He knows he’s going to feel like shit in the morning, this isn’t the first time he’s done this but he just needs something to numb the pain.

He needs to not think about his dead fiancée for just a few moments and feel something other than the overwhelming despair that plagues him daily. 

Theseus signals for a waiter and whispers some instructions into his ear. The waiter nods and in a few moments, the man across the room is handed a drink courtesy of Theseus. Theseus raises his glass by way of a greeting and the rest is history.

It’s a hasty tumble into bed and for a few hours, Theseus is able to forget. As it turns out, his partner for the night is partial to narcotics as well as having multiple partners and Theseus is able to ride out the night in a daze among various nameless faces. 

* * *

 

It’s 5:30 am once more. 

As he lays in bed, Theseus can’t help but think of how much she hated the sound of his alarm. Leta was never a morning person and she did not hesitate to make her displeasure known every time his alarm went off. 

Well jokes on him now because he can’t seem to get any fucking sleep. 

It’s six months to the day that she died. 

Six months to the day that a part of him died alongside with her.

He thinks back to the flames at Pere Lachaise and the memory of her body disintegrating into nothingness. At the time he was glad Newt had held him back but there are many days when he wishes his brother had let him succumb along with her. 

He knows not many would expect him to show up at the Ministry today but where else would he go? 

Theseus takes in a deep breath and summons his clothes. A shower would probably do him some good but he can’t find it in him to care. He apparates to just outside of the Ministry and walks in. 

“M-Mr. Scamander, I didn’t think-” Theseus cuts Maggie’s sentence off with a glare and she swallows. “There’s a report waiting for you on your desk, Sir.” She says and he walks into his office. He summons the report on his desk and reaches for his familiar bottle of gin. It’s feeling pretty light and Theseus magically refills it.

The report is by two Junior Aurors so he’s not expecting much but the information makes his brow raise. According to Aurors Lupton and Blake, there will be a Grindelwald rally somewhere in London tonight. 

Ever since...events six months ago, the Ministry has had their ears to the ground for any hint of Grindelwald. So far, they’d gotten nothing which made these reports suspicious. Thomas Lupton and Adam Blake had gone through the necessary selection process required of every Auror so he knew they were clean but their access to such information was cause for concern.

Theseus calls out to Maggie for her to send the Aurors in his office as he digests this information. If Grindelwald is in London, he wants a crack at him. It would probably end in his death but if Theseus is being honest, that doesn't matter to him anymore. Nothing matters to him anymore, not his life, not his death, nothing.

The Ministry would get by without him, Newt and his family would most likely mourn but he's confident in their ability to push on. If he's going to die, he wants to go down fighting the man who took his everything from him.

“Sir?”

Theseus looks up at the arrival of Auror Lupton and Blake. 

“This is an interesting report. How reliable are your sources?” He asks, cutting straight to the chase.

“Oh-Uh...not that reliable, Sir.” Lupton stutters and Theseus fixes him with a hard look.

“Thomas and I overheard some folks talking about it at a pub last night and we thought-well we thought someone should know.” Blake says and Theseus mentally reminds himself that hexing his employees is against the code of ethics that he swore to uphold when he became an Auror.

“Did you manage to hear where this rally might be taking place?” He grits out.

“Well there was some talk of meeting by the river but we’re not sure.” Thomas says, his voice getting lower with every word and Theseus takes in a deep breath. 

“Gentlemen, whenever you think ‘Shall I waste the time of my superior on gossip I overheard whilst drinking in a pub?’, the answer should always be a resounding ‘No.’,” Theseus growls and the two Aurors nod frantically with fear.

“Shut the door on your way out.” Theseus says by way of dismissal and the duo nearly trip over themselves in the haste to leave his office. Theseus tosses the report aside and takes another swing of gin. There’s another letter from Percival sitting on his desk but he doesn’t touch it.

He’s not as stupid to think there’s not an actual threat. Despite their idiocy, Lupton and Blake show promise but anyone can see they’re green behind the ears. He imagines they overheard what they were meant to overhear and that there’s some sort of ambush waiting for them tonight.

Well.

It would be unbecoming of the Head Auror for the Ministry of Magic to not investigate every threat that presents its self.

* * *

 

Theseus holds his wand tighter as he walks along the Thames. It’s a dark and silent night and Theseus’ every nerve is on alert. He’s left a note at his home detailing what he’d like to be done with his estate in the likely event of his death and has fully come to terms with what might happen here tonight.

There’s a part of him that’s almost looking forward to it if he’s being honest. Death means an escape from the soul-crushing sadness he faces on a daily basis and also holds the promise that he can finally get to be with Leta. 

He hears a faint rustle behind him and immediately throws up a shield. It’s a good thing he did because he catches the familiar blue glint of a stunning spell bounce off his shield. 

“Well, this is unexpected.” There are people stepping out of the shadows and Theseus realizes he’s surrounded.  _I’ve always loved a good fight._

 _“_ Here we went fishing for small fry and ended up with a prize.” One of them says. “Grindelwald would be interested in hearing what you have to offer.” 

Theseus takes a few seconds to consider his odds. He’s not acting under the Ministry’s orders tonight and he plans to hurt these people. He’s not above using dark magic to acquire his goals.

He lowers his shield and simultaneously casts a cascading jinx. Several of his attackers are knocked off their feet. Before they can catch their second wind, he casts  _diffindo_  on a nearby target and revels in their yelps of pain. 

He pulls up his shield just in time to block another stunning spell but is unprepared for the dark curse flung his way. He barely manages to dodge it before another one hits him. The pain coursing through him is nearly unbearable and his shield melts away. 

He’s barely able to think past the pain to cast a scorching spell that burns his opponent. The pain from the cruciatus curse is lifted and Theseus unsteadily disapparates a few feet away. He’s beginning to realize that he’s in way over his head but there’s nothing he can do about it now. The one thing he does know is that they’re  **not**  taking him alive. 

Theseus summons all the energy he has left in him and casts  _engorgio_ _maxima_  on the river. Its effect is instantaneous and the water rapidly swells past its banks. Some manage to disapparate but the majority of them are swept away by the coursing waters, including Theseus.

He knows fully well that he can swim or apparate away but the last of his strength is sapped away and all he wants to do is rest. He doesn’t fight the intake of water into his mouth and lungs and calmly gives himself over to death.

* * *

 

Theseus winces as a bright light hits his eyes. The last thing he remembers is being swept into ice cold water and then darkness. 

His eyes slowly get used to the light and he takes a look around. It appears that he’s back in his bedroom.  _If this is the afterlife, it’s a cruel joke._  Theseus supposes a suitable form of purgatory would be being stuck in the one place you loathed. His door opens and Percival Graves comes barging in. 

He looks extremely pissed off and Theseus automatically shrinks back into the sheets. “What in Deliverance Dane were you thinking?” He yells. “You went in alone to investigate a suspected Grindelwald rally and told no one? What were you fucking thinking?” Percival repeats. 

“How did you find out?” Theseus asks hoarsely. He thought he'd been pretty subtle about it but apparently not.

“Maggie deserves a raise. She informed Tina who told Newt who panicked and alerted the entirety of the Ministry as well as informing me.” Percival continues. “I took the first portkey here. If not for Tina’s idea to use a summoning spell on your wand, we would have lost you.”

“I’m sorry you had to be dragged away from your precious desk.” Theseus lashes out and Percival stops short. His eyes are fiery with rage and some other emotion that Theseus can’t be arsed to identify right now. 

“Is he awake?” 

Newt pokes his head through the door and his face lights up at the sight of Theseus sitting up. Percival clenches his jaw and storms out, leaving Newt and Theseus in his wake. Newt hesitates before walking in and sitting on the bed next to him.

This is the first time in a couple of weeks that he’s seen his brother and the tension between them can be cut with a knife. 

“H-How are you feeling?” Newt asks and Theseus takes stock. There’s a sharp pain in his side and his head feels heavy and cloudy. His chest is burning with pain and he can still feel the chill of the water surrounding him.

“A few bruises but nothing I can’t handle.” Theseus begins but Newt shakes his head. 

“I meant, how are you feeling emotion wise?” Newts asks. He’s visibly uncomfortable with this line of questioning and so is Theseus if he’s being honest. 

“That’s a first. Didn’t think you cared.” Theseus says as a joke but it falls flat. Newt looks up at him and Theseus is shocked to find his brother’s eyes gleaming with unshed tears. 

“Is that really what you think, Thee?” Newt asks in a voice barely above a whisper and that’s another surprise. Theseus hasn’t heard that nickname since Newt was ten and it speaks to the emotional state his brother is in if he’s using that.

Theseus shrugs in reply to his brother’s question. “Am I to think any different? You stopped speaking to me after the war and I know things with...” Theseus swallows thickly before continuing. “Things with Leta didn’t make things any better. And after the stunt I pulled at dinner, I was confident in the assumption that you’d never want to hear from me again.”

“So, you thought to shut yourself away from everyone else?” Newt asks and Theseus scoffs. 

“You’re one to point fingers, I don’t recall you ever coming over for dinner despite Leta continuously inviting you.” Theseus snaps. The second the words leave his mouth, he regrets them. It’s a low blow and Newt’s face falls at his brother’s words.

“Newt, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“N-No, you’re right.” Newt says shakily. “I wasn’t much better but I never hated you. Your relationship with L-Leta hurt but I never hated you. You’re my brother, I could never hate you.”

Newt’s revelation stuns Theseus and the two descend into an awkward silence. 

“What’s going on, Thee?” Newt asks softly. “You went alone on purpose. Y-You wanted them to k-kill you, didn’t you?” The words stand out starkly against the silence in the room and Theseus stays quiet. His silence is enough of an answer for Newt and his breath hitches. 

“W-Why?”

“Newt, I-”

“If you have plans for me to bury you, the least I deserve is an explanation.” Newt snaps and Theseus flinches at the pain in his brother’s tone. “You didn’t even leave a note, Thee. I was terrified.” Newt’s voice cracks on his last word and Theseus feels so fucking guilty. Newt looks at him expectantly and Theseus throws all caution to the wind.

“I’m not happy, Newt.” He says flatly. “And I feel as though I’ll never be happy again. Some days it takes everything in me to get out of bed and when I do, I can’t make it through the day sober.” Newt looks devastated at the words coming from his brother’s mouth but Theseus can’t stop.

“A part of me died with her, Newt.” Theseus says weakly. “And it just feels like there’s this hole in me that I can’t fill no matter what I do and trust me, I have tried a lot of things. It feels like life isn’t worth living anymore and I’m just so tired.” The admission makes his eyes sting with tears but he’s too tired to brush them away.

“Why didn’t you say, Thee?” Newt asks as he scoots closer to his brother. “I know we’ve had a shaky relationship but you could have said so to any one of us.” Theseus shrugs. 

“You all seem so happy and well adjusted.” He replies in a small voice. “I didn’t want to be a burden.”

Newt snorts. “Thee, no one is well adjusted. Tina cries at least once a week, all Jacob does is work because he can’t deal with Queenie being gone and I...I feel incredibly guilty.” He states. Theseus blinks in surprise. That is...unexpected.

He just assumed everyone was doing well, they all looked it.

“B-But you all look so happy.” Theseus stammered. 

“We talk to each other.” Newt said gently. “Jacob comes over when he closes the bakery, he and Tina help with the animals, sometimes we have dinner at the Manor. When Percy was here, we played Exploding Snaps a lot.” 

 _Oh_.

“They were quite worried about you.” Newt continues. “Percival especially.” He says with a pointed look in Theseus’ direction and wow he’s just constantly dropping the ball, isn’t he?

“We’re just friends, our relationship ended after the war.” Theseus explains and Newt splutters. 

“I thought you were just flirting, I didn’t know you were...well...” Newt colors and Theseus chuckles at his brother’s shyness. 

“I don’t expect you to be shy about sex considering your relationship with Tina.” He teases and Newt’s cheeks turn red. 

“Thes!” He exclaims in embarrassment and Theseus can’t stop the laugh that falls from his lips. It’s a sound he’d forgotten he could make. He can’t remember the last time he genuinely laughed at something which says a lot about his emotional wellbeing.

“I hear laughter, I assume things are alright?” Tina asks lightly as she pushes the door open. Jacob and Percival are standing behind her, Jacob looking relieved and Percival still glaring at Theseus. Newt looks at his brother. 

His eyes convey the question ‘Will you let us help you?’ and Theseus swallows. His first reaction is to say no, to keep shutting out the people trying to help him but he doesn’t have the strength in him to do so. He meant it when he said he was tired. It’s scary and goes against all standards he holds for himself but Theseus is beginning to realize that he can’t do this alone and more importantly, that he doesn’t have to. 

So, he takes in a deep breath and gathers all the strength he can muster. “N-No, things are not alright.” He says shakily and they all awkwardly shuffle in. 

“Surprising no one but I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.” Percival says dryly as he summons a chair and takes a seat in front of Theseus. Tina and Jacob take their seats on the bed. They’re all looking at him expectantly and Theseus realizes that they’re waiting for him to explain what’s been going on.

This is where his courage begins to fail and Percival thankfully swoops in to help him. “You don’t have to tell us everything. Just what you need from us.” He says gently and Theseus feels his eyes sting with tears. It’s ridiculous but after months of being alone and giving everything he has into his job, it is unbelievably refreshing to be surrounded by people who simply ask what he needs without the implications of a limit or the expectation that he has to give back.

* * *

 

Theseus rings the doorbell and anxiously fidgets. It’s been a while since he’s been here but Newt seemed to think it was a good idea and he’d promised to at least  **try**  so here he was. He’s been ~~forced to take~~  offered leave for a week and his friends all agree that some time with his parents will do him some good.

Newt has reassured him that they only expect him for the week and they’d neatly packed his things away before he could argue. They’re probably right, he should spend some time in the country away from the whole mess but he’s still nervous about it. As draining as his job is, it is also his armor. Without his job to distract him, he's going to have to face his emotions and the thought terrifies him. 

The door swings open and he’s greeted by the face of his mother. Moira Scamander is a formidable, stocky woman and her face lights up at the sight of her eldest. 

“Theseus! Oh, it’s so good to have you here.” She says as she sweeps him into a hug. Despite his nerves, Theseus can’t help but smile. He’s missed being home. “You’ve lost so much weight but we’ll fatten you up soon enough.” Moira says as she ushers him in. Theseus good-naturedly rolls his eyes at his mother’s words but he’s secretly pleased with the promise of being pampered by his mother.

He’s still not alright and a part of him doubts he’d ever feel whole again but Theseus is ready to stop fighting and start healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is depression, which is currently where I'm at in my grief process. I skipped 'bargaining' because I feel like there's hints of that in all the chapters so there's no need to make one specifically for it. It's so hard to keep doing things when you're dealing with the loss of a loved one and having to work and pretend you're normal doesn't help. In my experience, it can get uncomfortable to reach out for help because you constantly feel like that 'one friend' who's always talking about their dead loved one.
> 
> I imagine back in the 1920's mental health was not really a thing and toxic masculinity was at a greater high than it is now. I see Theseus pushing everyone away until he's forced to come to terms with the fact that he is 'not okay' and that not being okay is, okay. Hopefully, I managed to convey that well. I hope you all enjoyed it!


	4. Acceptance

Theseus hands over his pocket watch to the baby nifflers and chuckles as they scramble all over it. “You’re spoiling them.” Newt says to him as he feeds the mooncalves.  

“Someone has to.” He replies as he rolls up his sleeves. “Want me to feed the occamies?” He asks and Newt nods in surprise.  

“Just be-” 

“Careful of their beaks, I know.” Theseus says, finishing his brother’s sentence. “Are you ever going to return them to their rightful place? Because I doubt the Ministry is going to give you a permit for India.” He summons a bucket full of live bugs and gingerly waves them over to where the occamies are chirping in their nest. 

Newt remains silent and he turns to ask what’s wrong. “You...You really read my book, didn’t you?” He says in a faint tone of awe.  

“Of course, I did.” Theseus replies. “Everyone else did, I couldn’t  **not**  read it.” Newt still looks amazed and Theseus rolls his eyes. “It was an illuminating read to be sure. Do I want to know how you know so much about the Nundu?” He asks and Newt’s eyes dart to his suitcase. 

Theseus takes in a deep breath.  

It’s okay.  

There’s nothing wrong.  

His baby brother has just been traveling around with one of the most dangerous creatures in the magical realm in his fucking suitcase.  

Nothing wrong at all. 

“Betty is actually quite nice once you get to know her.” Newt says defensively and the fact that he’s named the thing is the most ludicrous part of this conversation.  

“The less I know about this the better.” Theseus says in a deadpan voice and Newt laughs. It’s odd to think that he and his brother are at the point where they can have casual conversations like this. Over the past three months, he and Newt have become much closer. 

They have dinner once a week and Newt is sure to check in with him on a weekly basis. And it’s not just Newt. Tina and Jacob have grown to be close friends of his, as well as Percival. The two frequently exchange letters and Theseus finds himself looking forward to every envelope from Percival.  

All in all, he’s slowly getting better. He still drinks, although not nearly as much as before and there are days where he can barely push through but he knows he has a network of friends and family willing to carry him through it and that makes all the difference. 

* * *

 

He’s made the decision to go through Leta’s things. Some would say he should do it with others but this is a private moment and Theseus wants to be alone for this. Her clothing and other articles are already stored away but he takes his time in going through her estate and other documents. Most of it is okay, she’s kept a few mementos of their dates and Theseus manages to hold back tears. 

That changes when he comes across an envelope with the words ‘To be opened in the instance of my death’ and Theseus frowns. It’s magically sealed but he's able to break through it without any difficulty.   

In it is a letter and the sight of her handwriting is like an emotional punch in the gut. There’s something else in there but Theseus doesn’t know if he can bear to look for a moment longer. He closes the envelope with shaky hands and places it facedown on his bedside table.  

* * *

 

“You know, I’m pretty sure this is illegal.”  

Theseus chuckles at Percival’s dry tone. “MACUSA can shove it besides I’m sure they have more important things to consider than a magical mirror.” He shots back and Percival rolls his eyes. It’s been ten months since Leta died and the fact that he can even have that thought without wanting to drown himself in alcohol is a HUGE improvement for Theseus. 

“Is this just an excuse to bother me and ignore your work?” Percival teases and Theseus gasps in mock outrage.  

“I’ll have you know that my productivity has never been higher.” Theseus replies and Percival snorts in derision. “How are things on your end? I heard about the massacre in Florida.” Theseus says soberly. Grindelwald’s deranged followers had committed the mass murder of the magical community in Florida, resulting in 20 wizards being killed. The magical community in America has been on alert and Percival has had his work cut out for him. 

Percival sighs tiredly. “It’s been crazy here, everyone’s in a panic and suspicion is at an all-time high.” He replies. Something in his tone makes Theseus frown in concern. 

“Suspicion within MACUSA?” He asks carefully. What he’s really asking is if Percival is safe. 

 “Not more than usual.” Percival replies while subtly nodding his head and Theseus relaxes. “You? How are you doing?” He asks and Theseus glances at the letter taunting him on his bedside table. It’s been a week since he discovered it and it’s been mocking him ever since. 

“Thes?”  

Theseus snaps out of his train of thought to find Percival looking at him in concern. If anyone were to walk into Percival’s office, they’d be very confused as to what was going on. It’s close to midnight and he’s in bed speaking to Percival Graves in his night clothes while Percival is working in his office.  

Bizarre doesn’t quite cover it. 

“I’m alright, it’s just...well she left me a letter.” Theseus says softly. Percival’s look of concern softens.  

“Can I ask what it said?” Percival asks and Theseus shrugs.  

“I haven’t exactly opened it.” He admits. “It’s not what she has to say that worries me, it’s my reaction.” He’d rather not go back to drinking every day and he’s quite sure hearing from her is going to push him to just that. 

“Well, would you prefer if I left?” Percival asks. “You can read it and if you need to be with someone, you can apparate to Newt’s.” He suggests. Theseus swallows. He knows he’s welcome at Newt’s and Jacob’s place but he’s not sure if he’d want to be around them for this. If he’s to be with someone, he’d rather be with Percival if he’s being honest.  

Percy’s the only one who understands the dark hole he’s had to dig himself out of the past few months and he feels like Percival’s the only one who gets his dark humor. He once made a joke about how he’d rather kill himself than be in another meeting and Tina started crying so...he’s just stopped with them. 

“Would it be okay to contact you afterwards?” He asks lowly and Percival nods.  

“Of course, and it would be okay if you didn’t want to as well.” Percival says gently. “Just be sure to take care of yourself.” Theseus nods and Percival’s image disappears from the mirror, leaving Theseus staring at his own reflection. 

He takes in a deep breath and summons the envelope. It floats in front of him and Theseus slowly opens it. He takes the piece of parchment out and emotionally steels himself against whatever he might find in there.  

 _My dear_ _est_ _Theseus,_  

And fuck he’s already tearing up. 

 _If you’re reading this then that means that I’m dead. It’s odd trying to think of myself in terms of death but I imagine this has been more of an ordeal on you. The details of my death are unknown to me but if it was during my time as_ _Auror_ _, then I know it was definitely in the_ _defense_ _of the greater good which is better than any way I’d imagined to die._  

Of course, she’s thought of the various ways she could die. His chest feels tight with pain but he pushes through.

 _I want to thank you,_ _Thes_ _. You looked past the connotations of my name and loved me for me. Where others saw ‘Lestrange’ you simply saw ‘Leta’ and I will forever be grateful for it. I know our relationship wasn’t the easiest one but I’m glad for the years we had together. Hopefully, you aren’t drinking your sorrows away in my absence (You can’t live on gin and coffee no matter what you think) but if you are, I hope you are in the company of your family._  

It’s insane how she’s scolding him from beyond the grave and Theseus thinks back to the past few months and feels shame well up in him. 

 _You might hate me saying this but you really should make up with Newt. Now that I’m not here there’s no reason for you two to fight. Besides, I hear he left an American back in New York and Merlin knows he’s going to need help courting her. In all seriousness, despite your differences, Newt loves you_ _and you love him_ _. Please try to make amends, even if it means being around his many creatures (Your brother apparently had a Thunderbird in there, I’m sure he’s got more beasts for you to worry about)._  

Theseus manages a small smile. At least he’s succeeded on that front. He and Newt are closer than ever and from the faint bruises he’s seen on his brother’s neck, Newt clearly does not need any help when it comes to courting Tina. 

 _Lastly, please take care of yourself. I know I’m not in a position to ask but don’t mourn me for too long. You have a whole life ahead of you,_ _Thes_ _and I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if you gave up your life for me. My death should not mean the end for you. I love you and I would want you to be happy, no matter who you’re with (except for Amelia Parkinson, the woman is abhorrent and I will haunt you if you let her get her_ _pureblood hands on you)._  

 _Take care of yourself Theseus. You deserve it._  

 _Yours forever and always,_  

 _Leta_  

Despite his sobbing, Theseus can’t wipe the smile from his face because the entire letter has her personality all over it and he’s so glad he gets to keep this one piece of her for himself. His fingers drift over the words on the page and in a weird way, it feels like holding her.  

Something flutters out of the envelope and Theseus picks it up. It’s a magical photo of her. She’s wearing a beautiful summer dress and she’s coyly glancing up at him. Just looking at her hurts but he can’t look away. He summons his wallet and her picture permanently makes its home in it. His fingers drift over it and he feels grateful that he can have this small piece of her to carry wherever he goes.  

* * *

 

It’s been a week since he’s read her letter and it’s been rough. The more he re-reads it, the more he realizes that she’s truly gone. He doesn’t think this in terms of depression but more in terms of the finality of death. He’s glad he got to hear her last words but she’ll never hear his. 

He never even got the chance to tell her he loved her. All he’d done was stare in disbelief as she stepped forward. He’s sure she knew, she must have known but he still wished for the chance to tell her himself. He really shouldn’t but it’s been a rough week and he pours himself a shot of gin. 

The burn from the alcohol feels good and he pours himself another shot. Unfortunately, this is the moment his brother chooses to enter his office and Theseus is caught in a compromising position. To Newt’s credit, he doesn’t say anything. His brother cautiously approaches his desk like he’s one of his hurt creatures and Theseus rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not going to bite you and I’ll have you know that this is my first drink of the day.” Theseus snaps defensively and Newt holds up his hands in surrender.  

“Alright, I didn’t mean to insinuate anything.” Newt says calmly. “I was just checking in on you. You missed dinner last night. Jacob made pie, Tina was worried.” Theseus blinks in surprise. He could’ve sworn today was the day for their weekly dinner and not yesterday.  

“You alright, Thes?” Newt asks carefully. 

“I’m alright. Really.” Theseus says at his brother’s pointed look. It’s not far from the truth. He doesn’t feel like he did three months ago. At least not all the time. Leta’s letter still feels too raw and private to share with anyone and he’d rather do it on his terms. 

“Alright. Now that I’m here, I thought I should mention that I’d like to go to Scotland.” Newt says as he sits opposite his brother. Theseus tries not to groan. “It’s the kelpie you see, I’d like to put him back where he belongs.” 

“Can it wait?” Theseus asks dryly and Newt hesitates.  

“Well, I’d rather not-”  

“If it can wait, then you’ll just have to wait.” Theseus snaps. “I don’t need to worry about what you’re getting up to in addition to everything else I have on my plate.” 

“Please, Thee?” Newt asks and fuck him, he knows Theseus can’t say no when he uses that nickname. Newt falls into a sullen silence and Theseus rolls his eyes. 

His brother will be the death of him if this war isn’t.  “Ask me again in three weeks and we’ll see.” It’s enough for Newt and his brother leaves his office, content in the knowledge that he’s managed to wrangle yet another favor from Theseus. 

* * *

 

“How you doin’, Theseus? Here for your usual?” Jacob asks as Theseus ducks into the bakery. It’s become something of a habit. Before he leaves for work, he likes to stop by and indulge in his sweet tooth. Jacob makes an amazing confection including pineapples and a cake and he can’t get enough of it. 

“You really should stop letting me eat this.” Theseus says, even as he grabs the box containing the confection.  

“It makes you happy, I ain’t gonna stand in the way of that.” Jacob says with a smile. “How you doin’? We missed you at dinner. Tina wus worried.” He said with a hint of concern.  

Theseus is prepared to give the same reply to Jacob but the baker fixes him with a look and Theseus prays to whatever god is listening that Jacob never turns sides because he finds himself telling Jacob everything. 

“Why don’t you try writing her back?” Jacob asks as Theseus sits and devours his cake. Theseus splutters at Jacob’s words. Surely, he didn’t just suggest writing to his dead fiancée? 

“You ain’t gonna send it.” Jacob clarifies. “Just write what you woulda said to her. It’s what I do sometimes.” Jacob’s voice gets lower with his last sentence and Theseus gives him a sympathetic pat on his hand. Queenie hasn’t been seen since she left and while that’s a good thing for their cover story, it’s bad for her loved ones.  

“She’ll turn up eventually.” Theseus says in a comforting tone and Jacob sighs.  

“I hope so too, buddy.” Jacob says sadly before turning back to Theseus. “Think about it. It does help.” Theseus nods and shrinks his half-empty box of desserts for later. He and Jacob say their goodbyes and Theseus leaves the bakery before apparating away.  

He has a tough day of training his Junior Aurors but Jacob’s words stay in his mind. He’s not one to be sentimental but again, he doesn’t have to tell anyone.  _Except Jacob._   

* * *

 

As it turns out, writing a letter to his dead lover is harder than he thought. His first few tries consist of him writing ‘Why did you leave me?’ and crossing it out before writing it again. Jacob’s told him that it doesn’t have to be a pleasant letter but he doesn’t think writing a bunch of swear words is what he had in mind. 

It’s hard and Theseus can’t seem to get past the words ‘I can’t believe you’re gone’. He tries to look at Leta’s picture for inspiration but that seems to make things a bit worse. It’s insane but he feels as though letting go of his grief means letting go of his memory of her. If he gets to the point where he doesn’t grieve for her anymore then did he ever even love her? 

He doesn’t mention it to anyone else because he doesn’t want to sound like a crazy person but it’s a significant worry for him. He’s taken to re-reading her letter until he can say it word for word. Her last note on him moving on makes no sense to him. 

If he was dead and she wasn’t, he’d hope she was upset about it for a while. _I’d also want her to be happy. I’d want her to be able to live for herself, especially if I died to save her._ And that’s really the issue here. He hates to admit it but part of why he can’t write to her is because he can’t let her go. Letting her go means letting the future that he dreamed of with her go and it’s scary.  

Theseus puts away his quill and casts the thought out of his mind for the time being. 

* * *

 

“Sir?”  

Theseus looks up at the sound of his assistant’s voice. She has an odd look on her face and Theseus frowns. “What’s wrong, Maggie?” He asks, putting down his quill. 

“I...well I know it’s not my place, Sir but Percival Graves has resigned from his position with MACUSA.” Maggie says hesitantly. Theseus’ feels his stomach drop and the mug on his desk rattles. There’s no reason to ask if she’s sure, Maggie wouldn’t bother him with this if she wasn’t confident that it was true.  

He knows Percival’s address from his letters and he makes a hasty decision.  

“How soon can you get me a portkey to New York?” 

“I have one that should be ready in an hour. It’ll get you as close as the street he’s on.” Maggie says with a glowing smile and he’s sort of grateful she’s so nosy because she anticipates his plans before he vocalizes them to her. In the sea of incompetence that is the Ministry, her efficiency is a breath of fresh air. She doesn’t say what reason she put down for the portkey and he doesn’t ask. 

The less he knows about this, the less he can worry about what protocols he’s breaking. He writes a short note to Newt and Tina, explaining where he’s going. He should probably let his boss know where he’s going as well but he trusts in Maggie’s ability to handle it. Theseus manages to get his things in order before Maggie delivers the portkey to him. It’s a goblet and he activates it. 

He takes in a deep breath and picks it up. 

* * *

 

Travel by portkey is as horrible as ever and Theseus swallows back his nausea. He’s landed in an alley and he takes a few moments to get his bearings before he steps out on to the road. The Muggles here are doing pretty poorly and it shows. It’s night-time and there are a lot of suspicious looking individuals loitering about. Theseus looks for Percival’s flat number and ducks into the building. 

Something feels off here and he pulls out his wand. Percival’s apartment is on the second floor and the feeling of unease gets stronger with every step he takes. By the time he’s reached the top of the stairs, he has half the mind to turn back. 

He takes in a deep breath and walks to Percival’s room. He can practically taste the wards and charms Percy’s put on his flat and he suddenly realizes that the reason for his unease is a wizard repelling charm. This knowledge makes him even more concerned. Ever since he’s known Percival Graves, the man has only ever wanted to work for MACUSA. 

A part of the reason why their relationship after the war dissolved was that Percy wasn’t interested in leaving MACUSA and he didn’t want to leave the Ministry either. They’d both decided to end it as friends instead of enduring the long, slow death that a long-distance relationship would entail. Even after the whole thing with Grindelwald, Percy’s never been interested in retirement which is why his decision is so shocking. 

 _That and the fact that he didn’t tell me a bloody thing despite us constantly writing to each other._  The fact that he has wizard repelling charms on his flat makes him wonder if he’s been taken again because there’s no other reason for him to seclude himself like this. Theseus pushes through the wards and knocks loudly on the door.  

He can hear footsteps on the inside and he readies his wand. He probably should have brought some other people with him now that he thinks about it but there’s no time for regrets.  

The door opens and Theseus stares into the eyes of the former Director of MACUSA.  

“Thes? What in the world-” 

“ _Revelio_ _.”_  

Percival’s form doesn’t change and Theseus doesn’t know if that’s a good thing. If it wasn’t him then it would be a sensible reason for his retirement so the fact that it is, is a concern. 

“Who told you?” Percival asks in a resigned tone as Theseus walks into the apartment. Percival shuts the door behind him and Theseus takes a look around his apartment. His home is immaculate and sparsely furnished and at least Theseus knows for sure that Percy isn’t involved with anyone. Not that it matters. 

“Maggie informed me and somehow wrangled a portkey.” Theseus replies.  

“You assistant is going to end up taking over the Ministry.” Percival says with a small laugh. Percival leads him to the kitchen and pulls out a bottle of brandy.  

“Ah, it’s that kind of conversation is it?” Theseus says as he eagerly awaits the drink. Percy may not splurge much on his apartment but the one thing he’s willing to spend money on is good alcohol. “What happened? Don’t tell me Piquery forced you out after everything.” 

“She didn’t.” Percival says as he hands Theseus a drink. “I just...I couldn’t be in there anymore. No one trusts me. I mean, I thought I’d be able to push through it, wasn’t like I was anyone’s best friend but there was a meeting and my loyalty was questioned because apparently ‘I was with Grindelwald and could have switched sides’.” Percival ends his sentence on a flat note and Theseus grits his teeth. 

It’s unfair what Percy’s had to go through. The man was tortured for months under Grindelwald’s hand and no one had noticed a thing. It makes him want to hex everyone for not being able to tell between a dark lord and their own fucking boss.  

“What now then?” Theseus asks as he takes a sip of the brandy. “You’re not staying here; your apartment is depressing enough without you wallowing in self-pity.”  

“Where do you suggest I go then?” Percival says with a hint of irritation. Theseus’ mouth is open before he can stop and his next sentence comes tumbling out. 

“You can stay with me.”  

Percival stops short at Theseus’ words. “You want me to stay with you?” He says in disbelief and Theseus scowls. 

“We’ve lived together before, it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility.” He says defensively. 

“With several other wizards during the war, and that’s not the point.” Percival says firmly. “You’re asking me to stay in the house where you and Leta planned to build a life together. Are you ready for that?” Theseus winces at the reminder.  

As much as he hates to admit it, Percy’s right. He hasn’t been able to invite anyone to stay indefinitely with him since she died. All her pictures are gone, save for the one she left for him and he hasn’t made any significant changes to the house since she was gone.  

“Exactly.” Percival says with a sad smile and Theseus takes a look around the apartment. Now that he’s not as worried about Percival’s survival, he can take it in fully. Spartan would be a nice way to put it, there are no personal mementos, no signs that any human is currently living there, if Percival wasn’t sitting right in front of him, there’d be no way to tell that he even lived here. 

He can’t leave Percy here. Theseus takes in a deep breath and makes a decision. 

“I can’t seclude myself away forever.” Theseus says ruefully. “You’re right, Leta and I planned a life together. W-We wanted children.” He lets out a shaky laugh. “Or to be more specific, I wanted children. She was still warming up to the idea.”  

“But, plans change. Things happen and you just have to work around them.” He says lightly. “She wouldn’t want me drifting alone in the house like a ghost.” As he speaks, Theseus realizes that what he’s saying is true and what’s more, he believes that it’s true. He’s starting to understand what she meant by her death not being the end to his life. He’s gotten better with work and with family but the house is the last bit of her that he’s holding on to.  

 _Here goes nothing._  “Stay with me, Percy. I’m not taking no for an answer and I’m not going to wait till you try to drown yourself like I did.” He says stubbornly. Percival’s glare softens at his words and Theseus knows he’s got him.  

“I get nightmares.” Percival says and Theseus shrugs.  

“So do I.” He replies.  

“I need to have the place warded. Heavily.” Percival says and Theseus nods.  

“So long as I can undo them if I need to, I’m okay with that.” He replies gently.  

“You’re serious about this?” Percival says in disbelief and Theseus scowls.  

“Usually when people offer things, you accept and say thank you.” He snaps and Percival rolls his eyes. A few moments of silence pass between the two before Percival sighs.  

“You need to help pack then.” He says with a put-upon sigh and Theseus grins.  

“Oh no. How shall I bear packing your many belongings?” He shots back and Percival threatens to hex him. As he’s pointed out, Percy doesn’t have much and with the help of magic, they’re done in a couple of hours.  

“Bed?” Percival asks, they pack the last of his things.  

“Why Mr. Graves, I’m not that kind of girl.” Theseus says with false shyness and Percival snorts.  

“You and I remember the war very differently then.” He replies and Theseus gasps in real outrage. Percival laughs out loud at his expression and it’s just like old times. They shrink the last box and Percival transfigures the couch into a bed.  

Theseus transfigures his clothing to night clothes and starts planning the next day in his head. They’ll need to go to MACUSA to get a portkey. They could just do one illegally because fuck MACUSA but Theseus is trying to set an example for the Junior Aurors. Percival, on the other hand, isn’t.  _Maybe we can-_  

 _“_ Thes?” 

Percival’s voice cuts off his train of thought and Theseus turns towards him.  

“Thank you.” He says softly and Theseus reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder.  

“You were there for me when I needed it, I’m not abandoning you. You don’t need to be alone, remember?” Theseus says in a serious tone. He squeezes Percival’s shoulder and the two share a small moment. Percival heads off into his bedroom and Theseus lays in bed. He sits for a few moments before summoning a quill and some paper.  

Theseus takes in a deep breath and begins to write.  

* * *

 

It’s a year to the day that he watched her crumble in front of him. He’s come back to Pere Lachaise to finally say goodbye to her and it’s not as difficult as he thought it would be. Not to say that it doesn’t hurt, it’s taken him several minutes to walk in but now that he’s here, it’s not as bad. The amphitheater is still too much for him but he can stand to be in the vaults. 

He hesitantly walks over to the Lestrange vault and opens it up. Her family tree is still there and Theseus sincerely hopes Corvus Lestrange is suffering for all eternity. His letters are magically sealed because his words are meant for her and only her and frankly, he’s not interested in explaining his logic to anyone else. 

He gently places them there and takes a step back. “Alright, I guess this is it.” Theseus says shakily. “Merlin, I miss you so much. I miss everything. How your hair clogged the tub, the way you hummed to yourself as you cooked, how you yelled at me when my alarm went off, I miss all of you.” Theseus swipes at the tears rolling down his cheeks.  

“I hope you can f-forgive me. For not saving you. I know Grindelwald killed you but I was-I was there and I couldn’t stop him.” Theseus stammers. “I...I’m trying t-to live again. Newt and I are surprisingly close, Percival Graves is my new roommate and I’m...I’m doing okay.” Theseus says softly. It’s odd but it’s true.  

He really is doing okay.  

“I love you, always and forever.” He whispers to the vault. He places his hand on the vault and says goodbye one last time before re-sealing it. He takes care to wipe his face clean of any tears before stepping out.  

Newt gives him a look over when he walks out and cautiously reaches out to hold him. His baby brother insisted on following him and Theseus didn’t care to stop him. “How are you feeling?” Newt asks and Theseus thinks back to the past year. It’s been the lowest point in his entire life but in a weird way, it’s really helped him. Leta’s death has brought pain, depression, and anguish but it’s also pulled him closer to a group of people he’s proud to call his family. 

“I’m okay.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This was an especially hard chapter to write because I don't really know what acceptance looks like. I'm not there yet and it's gonna be a while till I get there but the one thing I know is that acceptance doesn't equal happiness and it doesn't have to. I feel as though Theseus has made a lot of progress from the last chapter and I'm weirdly proud even though I wrote this.
> 
> The next chapter will be SUPER fluffy and include Theseus/Percival so if you're not into that then you don't have to read it. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!


	5. Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is 8,262 words of pure fluff and I do not apologize one bit for it. I hope you enjoy!

Living with Percival is different. Where Leta was disorganized and messy, Percy is orderly and precise. It’s not bad, Theseus is the same way, it’s just different. The first month they move in together is filled with a lot of activity. 

It starts when Percival is bundled to Scotland with Newt. His baby brother hates it but Theseus isn’t letting him go anywhere with an escort. Newt promises to be back in two weeks at the latest and Theseus is glad to have his brother out of his hair. Percival doesn’t find it funny either but Theseus thinks the trip would be good for him and Percival doesn’t really get a choice.  

Theseus is kept busy by dark wizards constantly trying to recruit new followers and he doesn’t think much about his brother or Percy until Tina walks in on a meeting with her face pale and her eyes red.  

“There’s been an attack in Scotland. In Portree.” She chokes out and Theseus feels a chill down his spine. Portree is where Newt and Percival are. He nearly tries to apparate there in a panic but Theseus manages to keep his calm long enough to organize transportation there. He takes a handful of Aurors along with Tina and they manage to get to get there in record time.  

Theseus hopes and prays that they are safe because he’s barely gotten over Leta, if he loses Newt or Percival he’s pretty sure he’ll go insane. As it turns out, there’s no need for worry. Newt and Percival have handled the wizards with finesse and aplomb and they’re tied up and ready to go by the time the Aurors arrive. 

Tina scrambles over to check with Newt while Theseus checks with Percival. Percy’s unhurt, thank Merlin, and the only thing he has to show for his scuffle with Grindelwald’s followers is a broken nose and a gash across his chest. 

“Take it off, let me see.” Theseus says in referral to his shirt and Percival gapes at him. “I mean it, you had me scared out of my mind so you’ll just have to deal with my fussing.” Percival glares at him but Theseus glares back and Percival reluctantly takes off his shirt. It’s not too deep and he can’t feel any residual magic.  

He pays no mind to the way Percival looks shirtless and casts a healing spell on him. Percival’s skin knits back together and with a fix to his broken nose, Percival is as good as new. 

“Happy?” Percival says with a small smile and Theseus nods. 

“Giddy with joy. You’re going to have to give a report on everything that happened.” Theseus says and Percival snorts.  

“Are you taking me in, Auror Scamander?” 

“Fuck you, Percy.” Theseus snaps back and turns around to look at his Aurors who are gazing at Percival with awe. Theseus rolls his eyes and they make their way back to the Ministry. As it turns out, the Ministry is so impressed and so giddy with the thought of having a ‘Graves’ in London that they ask if he’d like to help with training their Hit Wizards.  

Theseus urges Percival to take the job because even though he needs a break, Percival Graves cannot do without having something to focus on. He grudgingly agrees and the two are working side by side once more. 

* * *

 

A crash from the guest room wakes him up and Theseus has his wand in his hand before he even realizes what he’s doing. There are still things rattling around in Percy’s room and Theseus realizes what’s going on. It’s been two months since Percival moved in and they’re used to each other by now. He debates going in but another crash makes his decision for him. He’s glad he does because what he meets in Percival’s room is alarming. 

Percy’s having a nightmare and his magic is a reflection of that. The things in his room are whirling around and levitating and Theseus ducks as a mug whizzes past him and crashes into the wall. He doubts if what’s he going to do next would help but he can’t think of what else to do.  

Theseus braves his way through the flying objects in the room and makes his way to Percival. Percy’s tossing and turning and Theseus tries to restrain him. Turns out that’s the worst thing to do because Percival lashes out and Theseus gets a punch in the face. He winces in pain but keeps holding Percival down while trying to wake him up. 

After several more kicks, he finally manages to do so and Percival wakes up with a gasp. Everything comes crashing down and Percival jumps at the sound. He scrambles away from Theseus’ and Theseus holds up his hands in a non-threatening manner.  

“It’s okay, Percy. It’s just me.” He says, adopting the soft soothing tone Newt uses when approaching his creatures. “It’s just me.” He repeats. Percival is still backed into a corner and Theseus realizes what’s wrong.  

“You can cast  _revelio_  on me if you need to. I don’t mind.” He says reassuringly and Percival does so. That manages to convince him and Percival finally relaxes. He takes a look around the room and Theseus can see the guilt welling up in him. He waves his wand over the room and everything flies back into its original position.  

“I hurt you.” Percival says hoarsely and that’s when Theseus realizes his nose is broken. He casts  _episkey_  on himself and winces as his nose is straightened out.  

“There. Good as new, no harm done.” Theseus says casually and Percival’s eyes narrow.  

“I told you this was a bad idea-” 

“Percy-” 

“I could have killed you-” 

“Percy!” Theseus snaps and Percival stops talking. “I’d be a pretty shitty Head Auror if my death comes from waking you up from sleep. You do the same for me, it’s fine.” He says firmly. Percival looks like he wants to say more but he stays silent. Theseus glances at the clock. It’s 4:30 am so going back to sleep is pointless. 

“Coffee?” He asks and Percival nods. The duo make their way to the kitchen and Theseus starts the process of making coffee and tea for him. There’s bread from Jacob’s bakery and Percival makes breakfast. They’ve settled into a routine by now and they move seamlessly around each other. Theseus hands Percival his coffee and sips on his tea. 

“Want to talk about it?” He asks softly but Percival shakes his head. Theseus is wise enough to let sleeping dogs lie and he changes the topic.  

“Want to come to the Manor this weekend?” He asks and Percival frowns.  

“Why?” 

“I make an effort to go at least once a month and...well they’re interested in meeting you.” Theseus says casually. “You can ride a hippogriff.” 

“If anything, I’m more discouraged to go knowing that.” Percival says gruffly and Theseus chuckles.  

“You don’t have to come if you can’t but you’ll have fun.” Theseus says, trying to convince him and Percival rolls his eyes.  

“Maybe.” He mutters and Theseus grins because that’s basically a ‘yes’.  

His parents end up loving him and Percival thoroughly enjoys the hippogriffs.  

* * *

 

He’s always thought watching Percival train was like watching a force of nature. His power is impressive but his level of restraint is amazing. Where most wizards would lash out and use their magic to overwhelm their opponent, Percival’s attacks are precise and aimed to hit his opponent’s most vulnerable points. It’s like watching an artist perform and apparently, he’s not the only one who thinks so. 

“Lupton, don’t you have more important things to do?” He asks and Thomas snaps to attention. 

“I-Of course, Sir.” He stammers and he makes himself scarce. Theseus snickers and looks back at Percy. He’s just finished up his training with a group of wizards and he smiles when he catches Theseus’ eye.  

“Were you ogling me, Thes?” Percival says teasingly as he walks over and Theseus rolls his eyes.  

“You wish, I’m just here to make sure my wizards are actually working and not taking an opportunity to size you up.” He replies dryly and Percival laughs. As much as they’d hate to admit it, their culinary skills only go as far as toast and eggs so they’ve taken to going out for dinner. They’re both rich enough to afford it and it’s nice to have an opportunity to de-stress after work. They chose a small dinner and discuss the events of the day. 

There are certain things they’re not supposed to tell each other but fuck it, if Percival wants to rant about the missions their Aurors are being sent on, he’s not going to stop him. They go back home together and for the first time in a while, things in his life are kind of stable. 

* * *

 

Theseus flicks his coat off and kicks his shoes somewhere. They’d done a raid and it had ended quite badly. They managed to get out but he’s lost two Aurors in the process and he’s had to inform their families. He’s had to write reports and handle the press and he just wants to be alone. He’s sure Percival is around somewhere but he can’t be bothered to care. Theseus flops onto the couch in their living room. 

He’s dead tired and he just wants to sleep and forget what just happened. However, he can’t. All he can do is remember the faces of Aurors he’s let die on his watch. It’s been a year and three months since Pere Lachaise but he feels like he’s reliving it all over again.  

He can feel the heat from Grindelwald’s fire, can hear the yells of his Aurors as they were disintegrated and he can see Leta. She’s crumbling right in front of him and he couldn’t stop her, couldn’t stop his Aurors from dying, he’s helpless and everything is pointless and Theseus feels like he can’t breathe. 

“It’s alright, Thes. Just breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out.”  

Percival sounds like he’s talking through a tunnel and Theseus’ vision swims. “Thes, you’re okay. You’re safe. Just breathe with me.” Percival says and Theseus tries to breath in. Percival guides him through it and Theseus slowly starts to come back to himself. With his awareness comes the tears and Theseus collapses into Percival’s arms. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying, he’s just so exhausted and it all feels too much. 

“It’s alright, Thes. You’re alright.” Percival says soothingly and Theseus cries himself into a dreamless sleep. When he wakes up, Percival’s arms are still around him and he’s snoring softly. There’s a fire going and he’s snuggled into Percival’s side. Theseus feels...strange.  

With Leta, he was her protector and defender. He protected her and while she did the same for him, this was the first time he felt safe. Maybe it was the exhaustion talking but, in that moment, Theseus is sure that Percival would never let anything happen to him. It’s a foreign feeling and he doesn’t know what to do about it.  

 _This is a problem for tomorrow me._  He snuggles closer to Percival and goes back to sleep.  

* * *

 

They don’t talk about that night but there’s a noticeable shift in their relationship afterward. It’s nothing blatantly obvious but sometimes on his busiest days, a small box of Jacob’s baked goods finds its way to his desk and Percival finds a package of the finest coffee waiting for him in the pantry. 

They don’t share a sleeping space again but Theseus finds himself wanting to. It’s been ages since he’d actually slept next to a warm body and that one night with Percival was the best sleep he’d gotten in a while. There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to share a bed space is there? 

He gets his opportunity a month later when he has another nightmare. He can’t remember what it was but he wakes up panting and sweating in Percival’s arms. “It’s alright.” Percy murmurs and Theseus takes a moment to calm himself. Percival starts to leave and Theseus’ hand shots out to pull him back.  

“Can I...Can you...?” 

“You want me to stay?” Percival asks and Theseus nods.  

“But not...not here.” Theseus says, referring to his room. It would always be their room, he and Leta’s and he doesn’t think he can handle someone else in there right now. Percival gazes at him like he’s searching for something before nodding. He pulls Theseus up and they head over to Percy’s room. They both lay there in awkward silence until Theseus snaps.  

“Percy, if I wanted to sleep next to a rock, I’d be out in the garden.” He says and Percival chuckles. 

“I really should inform the Ministry that their Head Auror is a brat.“ He replies and Theseus glares at him. They both shuffle closer to each other and are soon fast asleep and if they wake up in each other’s arms....well no one needs to know that do they? 

* * *

 

 Of course, he’s only allowed a small moment of peace until life decides to kick him in the ass. He and Percy are just about to head to bed when he receives his brother’s Patronus.  

A glowing basset hound finds its way to his room and Newt’s voice floats out of its mouth. “Please come quickly.” His voice sounds urgent and worried and Theseus is in a full panic. He can’t think of a non-threatening reason why Newt would send him a Patronus and he temporarily lifts the wards on the house so he can apparate to his brother’s. 

He comes in fully prepared to kill whoever dares harm his brother and is surprised to find that there’s nothing wrong. At least nothing visibly wrong. His brother and Tina are sitting down at the dinner table waiting for him and they both look pale. He hears another pop behind him and assumes Percival’s arrived as well. 

“What’s going on, what’s happened?” He asks frantically and Newt and Tina exchange a terse look.  

“Theseus, I’m going to need you to be very calm.” Newt starts and Theseus feels dread wash over him because what good news starts with that sentence? 

“We...we came back home to a visitor.” Newt continues and Theseus makes a mental note to double the wards on his brother’s home. “No one bad, well not completely.” Tina glares at him for that statement and Newt glances towards the kitchen.  

“You can come out.” He calls and Theseus readies his wand for whoever’s walking through the door. A blonde-haired woman slowly comes out and Theseus recognizes her as the backstabbing sister who joined Grindelwald.  

He moves to arrest her but Percival is quicker than he is and Queenie Goldstein finds herself tied to a chair.  

“Theseus-” Tina begins but he ignores her in favor of casting every revealing spell he knows. She opens her mouth to speak but Percival casts a silencing charm on her and she can’t talk.  

“She’s my sister, not a rabid dog, you don’t need to muzzle her!” Tina yells at Percival and Newt sighs tiredly.  

“She’s a known associate of Grindelwald, I’m not taking any chances. Why the hell is she here and not in a cell?” Theseus snaps and Tina flushes with rage.  

“I don’t know why Newt thought you’d be able to help, you barely knew how to love him until a year ago!” She yells back. Her words are a slap in his face and Theseus physically recoils. 

“Tina, that’s enough.” Newt says firmly and Tina angrily turns away from them. 

“Alright, let’s all calm down.” Percival says as he discreetly places a comforting hand on Theseus’ back. Percy’s touch is soothing and Theseus tries to calm down. “Queenie.” Percy says by way of greeting to her and he removes the charm.  

“Hello, Mr. Graves.” Queenie says softly as the charm comes off. “I swear I didn’t mean to hurt no one. I just needed to get away from ‘im and Newt’s the only person I could go to.” She says with tears in her eyes. There’s no need to ask who, they all know she’s speaking about Grindelwald.  

“You’ve been with Grindelwald for more than a year.” Theseus states coldly. “Why now? I don’t see you suddenly having a change of heart, did he send you here?” Queenie shakes her head frantically. 

“N-No! I’d never do that to Newt or Teenie. You hafta believe me.” She pleads. “H-He tricked me. I thought he wanted to help me but he just used me. He made me do things, I couldn’t stay there any longer.” 

“What things?” Percival asks. There’s a slight tremor in his hands and Theseus knows he’s trying not to panic.  

“Well, he knew ‘bout my legilimency and he...well, he trained me to make people do things.” Queenie stammers. Theseus frowns. He’s never heard of a legilimens being able to possess people.  

“He made you put the thoughts he wanted in people’s heads, didn’t he?” Percival asks and Queenie nods.  

“At first, I thought...well, I thought it couldn’t hurt but then he started making me control them.” Queenie says and Percival goes pale. “And...if I couldn’t do it then h-he made me kill them.” Queenie says a soft whisper. “I’m so sorry, Teenie. I ju-just wanted to be with Jacob.” Queenie’s crying now and Tina rushes to comfort her sister.  

“How did you escape? Grindelwald’s a Seer so I assume he would have known of your escape.” Theseus asks. 

“I made one of them think they killed me.” Queenie replies amidst tears. “She thinks I wus a traitor and she had to kill me. It’s the strongest one I’ve done yet.” Theseus considers her words. Her story is quite believable but he has a duty as Head Auror. He needs to make sure she’s telling him the truth. 

“Would you be averse to me looking in your mind?” Theseus asks. He feels Percival go still beside him but he has to go on. “You can say no, I can use  _veritaserum_  but we’d have to go to the Ministry.” Queenie nods and Theseus turns to Percival. 

“Percy, you don’t have to stay for this.” He says softly but Percival shakes his head. He knows watching this will hurt Percival but he seems to have his mind made up so Theseus draws in a deep breath and goes ahead. It’s been a while since he’s done this but he still knows how. Queenie helps him by projecting the memories he’s looking for and he quickly sifts through her mind for any other useful bits of information. It’s over in seconds and Theseus quickly recedes from her mind.  

“Alright, Ms. Goldstein.” Theseus says tiredly. “I believe your story. You can stay here for now but until we find some sort of cover up for you, you’ll have to remain hidden.” Queenie nods and her bindings dissolve. He hears a pop behind him and assumes Percival’s returned back to their place.  

“I’ll come back tomorrow and strengthen the wards as well as put some restricting ones.” He says, eyeing Queenie and Newt nods. “Alright. Goodnight, I’ll see you two in the morning.” He disapparates before anyone can reply and lands back in his home. Percival’s door is closed and Theseus feels his stomach flip. He knows Percy probably wants some space so he decides to leave him alone and head back to his room. Sleeping alone feels odd and he tosses and turns till he falls into a fitful sleep. 

* * *

 

The silence between them lasts a grand total of a day before Percival has another nightmare. It’s one of his big ones and Theseus has to endure Percival’s punches until he’s awake. Percy scrambles away from Theseus and again, Theseus gives him his space. He looks more terrified than usual and he casts  _revelio_  on Theseus again. This seems to calm him down a bit but he’s still shaking and Theseus figures they might as well have something to drink. 

He’s managed to get Jacob’s recipe for hot cocoa and he makes the both of them a mug. They both sit in silence until Percival speaks.  

“He was wearing your face. I-In my dreams.” He says hoarsely. “He...He used to taunt me about it. He had my face for four months and no one noticed and he used to say how he could wear anyone’s face and get away with it.” Theseus feels a surge of anger towards the dark wizard named Grindelwald and his resolve to see that man in Azkaban is renewed.  

“He’ll have a hell of a fight on his hands if he wants my face.” He says softly as he sips his cocoa. “I’m sorry you had to see that yesterday. If I had the  _veritaserum_  I would have used it, I didn’t enjoy being in her mind. I’d never disrespect your boundaries by doing that to you.” Percival looks up at him and his eyes are gleaming with tears.  

He’s across the counter before he knows it and he’s holding Percival close. His body shakes with silent sobs and Theseus wonders what he’s had to go through to learn not to make a sound even when he’s in pain. Theseus wraps his arms around Percival and holds him close.  

“He’s  **never**  getting his hands on you ever again. I’d die before that happens.” Theseus says fiercely as he rubs Percival’s back in soothing circles. “And for the record, I would have known he wasn’t you.” Theseus continues. “I haven’t met a man or woman who could match your sass.” Percival lets out a choked laugh. 

“You’re one to talk.” He says, his words muffled by Theseus’ shirt and Theseus chuckles.  

“You’re also one of my closest friends, Percy. He might be able to take your face but he can’t take the years we’ve known each other or the history between us.” He says softly and Percival’s breath hitches. “Okay?” He feels Percival nod against his shirt and Theseus holds him until he’s stopped shaking. He pulls away and Theseus busies himself with dishes to allow Percival his privacy.  

They both climb back into bed and Percival is just about drifting to sleep when he hears Theseus speak up. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you were found. I should have been there.” He says softly. Percival turns around and rests his head on Theseus’ chest. Theseus goes still for a few seconds before hesitantly reaching down and slowly running his fingers through Percival’s hair. 

“You’re here now. That’s more than enough.” Percival replies. 

* * *

 

Queenie’s appearance makes life more difficult for everyone but they manage to adjust. Tina apologizes for her harsh words and things smooth over. Jacob and Queenie haven’t made up yet but he’s sure they’ll come to do so soon enough. Percival has a quiet conversation with Queenie and whatever they talk about seems to help because Queenie makes a conscious effort to stay out of their heads. 

Percival takes up gardening of all things and it seems to really calm him down. His nightmares become less violent and he seems more stable. That doesn’t stop Theseus from banning Queenie from their home. Reformed or not, she’s a trigger for Percy and he’ll do everything within his power to ensure their home remains a safe space for Percival.  

His brother finally summons the courage to propose to Tina and there’s an engagement dinner after all. There isn’t going to be a wedding until a bit but Tina Goldstein has officially been spoken for. They have the dinner at the Manor and everyone’s invited, including Queenie. 

His parents are aware of the situation and they’ve chosen to be nice about it. Like it or not, Queenie is part of the family now. It makes things pretty awkward for everyone considering the fact that Jacob is present too but they manage to get through dinner. 

He and Percy have been given separate rooms for the night and neither of them wants his parents knowing they share a bed so they quietly agree to sleep separately. It’s odd being in a bed without Percy and Theseus tosses and turns before making up his mind. 

He stealthily leaves his room and hesitantly opens Percy’s door. If Percy’s sleeping, he’ll just try to slip in as quietly as he can but to his surprise and delight, Percival is awake. He’s reading and he looks up in surprise at Theseus’ entrance. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks and Theseus nods. He pads over to the bed and slides in beside Percival. “I’ll be up for a little longer. Is that okay?” Percival asks and Theseus gives his sleepy assent. He casts a silencing charm on the room just in case one of them has a nightmare and rests his head on Percival’s side.  

“Don’t stay up for too long.” He mumbles sleepily and the last thing he’s aware of is Percival’s fingers running through his hair.  

They both wake up late for breakfast and hurriedly try to make their way down. It’s just Newt and Queenie left and Theseus automatically seats Percival away from Queenie. No one says anything and they are free to eat. Percival yawns and Theseus frowns. “Bad sleep?” He asks with concern. He didn’t wake up from any nightmares but Percy is very good at hiding things. 

Percival shakes his head. “More of someone kept kicking me through the night.” He says ruefully and Theseus fights back a smile.  

“Maybe this mystery person won’t have kicked you if you didn’t steal all the blankets.” 

“You can’t blame me for your weak grip.” Percival shots back and Theseus laughs. Queenie coughs delicately and he looks up to find her and Newt flushing. 

 “You should be grateful it was me and not Newt. My brother is an aspiring gymnast in his sleep.” Theseus says and the tips of Newt’s ears turn red. 

“It was only the one time and you deserved it.” Newt mumbles and Theseus chuckles.  

“Knowing your brother, he probably did.” Percival says and Theseus gives a long-suffering sigh. 

“This is the thanks I get for welcoming you in my home and giving you free rein over my garden.” He says and Percival rolls his eyes. 

“It’s not like you were using the space anyway.”  

“How’s that going by the way? Thes tells me you enjoy it.” Newt asks and the two dive into a discussion about soil and the pros and cons of magically enhanced fruit. Theseus watches Percival as he talks with his brother and realizes with no small amount of surprise that he is content. 

* * *

 

Things between him and Percival come to a head on a cool fall night. The Ministry is having a little ball for its employees and various members of Britain’s upper-class. Newt and Tina have opted out of it in favor of having their weekly dinner at Jacob’s place but unfortunately, he and Percival are obliged to go. 

He doesn’t want to, it’s been a year and eight months since Leta’s death and people seem to think he’s available. He’s had quite a number of women **and**  men try to proposition him in the past couple of months. His answer is always a resounding ‘No’ and he hasn’t hesitated to make his feelings on the topic clear. He’s hoping this ball will be different but he’s not holding his breath. 

This is Percival’s first time at one of these things and although he won’t say it, Theseus know he’s nervous. MACUSA treated him like shit and although he’s come to like the Ministry, he still feels very self-conscious about it. Percival’s told him he’s going to be late so Theseus isn’t too concerned about his absence but he keeps an eye out for him all the same.  

He’s speaking to some dignitary when Percival arrives and Theseus takes a moment to appreciate his outfit. Percival is an attractive man, he’s not blind but he’s really gone all out tonight. He’s dressed in a dark grey three-piece suit that looks painted on and Theseus makes a mental note to arrest his tailor because making clothes that fit on a person like that should be a crime. 

He’s not the only one who thinks so, Percy’s getting looks from men and women across the room. However, he’s is either blind or chooses not to acknowledge it because Percival seems to only have eyes for him. Theseus feels a flash of heat go through him and he takes a gulp of his wine.  

Percival smiles at him and he feels something flutter in his belly.  _I’m in trouble._  Despite his nerves, Percival is a natural at socializing and Theseus finds himself melting into the background. His Aurors are all shameless because he sees more than a few of them ask Percival to dance.  

Percy, being the gentleman that he is, accepts and Theseus watches as Percival dances with a number of them as well as a few socialites. Percival can take care of himself but he decides to step in when a few of them start getting a bit too handsy. Theseus has had more than his fair share of wine, he swears someone’s spiked it, but he’s able to pull off looking sober and he glares at Percival’s current dancing partner until they get the hint. 

He and Percival walk out of the ballroom to somewhere quieter and Percival chuckles. “You know I don’t think the Aurors at MACUSA were half as bold as some of yours.” He says and Theseus snorts.  

“They’re all shameless although I don’t know what you expected when you’re dressed like that.” Theseus blurts out and Percival raises a brow.  

“Dressed how?” He asks and Theseus flushes. As much as he’s tried not to notice, he can’t help being attracted to Percival. He’s not made out of stone, they’ve been sharing a bed for months now and there have been some rough mornings where he’s woken up to  _all_ of Percival pressed against him. 

“Dressed like...well...take your pants for example.” Theseus says, his words only slurring slightly. “No one’s ass should be on display like that.” 

“Why Mr. Scamander, I wasn’t aware you’d noticed.” Percival says teasingly and Theseus glares at him.  

“Sure. Percival Graves, the man who notices everything, didn’t notice.” He mumbles. His face is all flushed and he feels rather hot but he knows Percival won’t let anything happen to him.  

“Alright, you’ve definitely had a bit too much to drink.” Percival says with a laugh and he pulls Theseus towards him. Theseus trips over his feet and Percival rushes to steady him. Theseus falls into Percival’s arms and he pulls him closer.  

Theseus suddenly becomes aware of how close they’re standing and he’s overcome with the urge to kiss him. It’s been years since they were together but Theseus still remembers how good it felt to be pressed against him. He knows he shouldn’t, they’re just friends and he’s well into his cups so he should just back away but the thing is... 

See, the thing is, Theseus doesn’t want to do that.  

It’s been months since he’s  _known_  someone in that sense, he’s been busy with work and doing things like that while he had Percy just seemed....wrong. So, he’s rather...backed up in all terms of the word. His eyes dart down to Percival’s lips and he throws all caution to the wind.  _Fuck it._  

Theseus surges forward and kisses Percival. He’d like to think he showed some control but the moment Percival’s lips touch his, his control flies out the window. Percival is stunned for a moment but he quickly gets with the program and his tongue is darting into Theseus’ mouth. He does something wicked with his tongue and Theseus moans.  

He tugs on Percy’s bottom lip with his teeth and revels in the sound Percival makes. Percival’s hand squeezes the back of his neck and Theseus’ knees feel like jelly. His hands scramble for purchase and he tugs on Percival’s belt. Percival pulls away from him and Theseus busies himself with kissing and sucking Percival’s neck.  

“Thes.” Percival rasps out and Theseus tries to remember where the nearest empty room or closet is because he’s not going to last much longer with Percy’s voice sounding like that. 

“Thes, you’re drunk. Stop.” Percival says and Theseus lets out a needy whine because he just wants to be touched. He darts forward to resume kissing Percival but Percival places a hand on his chest to stop him. 

“Theseus, you need to stop.” He says firmly. His words are like a bucket of cold water in his face and Theseus realizes what he’s done.  

“Theseus-” Percival begins but Theseus isn’t going to wait around to hear about how he’s embarrassed himself by shamelessly throwing himself at Percival. He envisions the bakery and tries to apparate there.  

Unfortunately, he’s still very much drunk and he splinches himself. He lands in the middle of Jacob’s living room, bleeding profusely and Theseus can’t wait for the night to be over. 

* * *

 

Theseus winces as Newt finishes stitching him up. He’s sitting on Jacob’s couch, wrapped in a blanket while said couch owner is making him hot cocoa. Tina and Queenie are hovering in the background and Theseus is sure that he’s never looked or felt more pathetic in his life. 

“Want to talk about it?” Newt asks gently and Theseus sighs because why not? He’s already made a fool of himself in front of Percival, why not his brother and their friends as well? 

“I...may have kissed Percy.” He mumbles, his cheeks flushing.  

“Well, you’ve been dating each other for a while now so I don’t see how that’s a problem.” Tina replies gently and Theseus chokes on his hot cocoa. His nose is burning and his body is trying to get the fluid out of his lungs but none of that matters because what the fuck did Tina just say? 

“We’ve been what?” He asks amidst coughs and Jacob frowns.  

“You two have been together for a few months, haven’t you?” Jacob asks and Theseus begins to wonder if he’s hearing right. 

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” Tina says, her cheeks turning red. “I know it’s...exciting being in a new relationship but maybe keep....nocturnal activities to your bedroom? Maggie’s heart can only take so much.” Theseus stares at Tina in shock. She’s blushing but she seems pretty serious and so does everyone else. 

“I think...I think you’d better tell me just what exactly you think is going on between Percival and me.” Theseus says slowly. His voice only sounds mildly hysterical which is good because he feels as if he’s slowly going mad. 

“Well, you both moved in a while back and share a bed so we thought...well...” Newt’s voice tapers off and Theseus gapes at him. 

“You two ain’t together?” Jacob asks in confusion and Theseus frantically shakes his head.  

“But what about what Maggie said?” Tina asks, still flushing. “You two were pretty loud according to her, she had to cast a silencing spell on your office.” 

Theseus is struggling to think of  **any**  time when he might have given her that idea before remembering a day some weeks ago where he’d given Percy a massage. It wasn’t anything sexual, Percival had been in the office for two days and he knew first-hand how uncomfortable sleeping in there could be. Nothing beats an actual bed.  

Percival had complained of a backache and after calling him an old man, he’d offered to give him a massage.  _Well, that explains why Maggie refuses to look me in the eye._ “What Maggie thinks happened did not actually happen but I can see how she took it that way.” Theseus says slowly.  

“Well. Everyone’s going to be disappointed.” Tina says and Theseus stops short. 

“Everyone?” He asks incredulously. “Does the entire Ministry think we’re fucking?” He asks and everyone looks away.  

Wow. Theseus seriously considers leaving the country. Australia could do with a Head Auror and if not them then perhaps China? Anywhere but Britain seems like a good idea.  

“Well, there goes my reputation.” He says sourly and Newt winces.  

“To be fair, it’s not as though you were as pure as the driven snow.” He mutters and Theseus glares at him.  

“You’re one to talk, I’ve never seen an animal who could make that kind bruise before.” He replies, referring to Newt’s neck and his brother and Tina flush. 

“Well, it’s not as though you two ain’t in love.” Queenie says softly and Theseus freezes. Yes, he loves Percy but he’s not in love with him, he can’t be in love with him because the last person he was in love with is gone and he can’t do that again.  

He’s  **not**  going to go through that again.  

“Oh, honey. You’re in love with him and you know it.” Queenie says gently and Theseus glares at her.  

“Stay out of my head, Queenie.” 

“I ain’t in your head. It’s plain as day, you’re gone on him.” She replies and Theseus takes in a shaky breath. 

“Well even if I was, he’s not in love with me. I’m pretty sure you don’t push away people you love when they’re trying to kiss you.” Theseus mutters the last sentence but everyone hears. 

“Mercy Lewis, you’re worse than Newt.” Tina mutters and Newt gives her a look. 

“I wouldn’t want to kiss Tina either if she wasn’t sober and Percival’s the same.” Newt says gently. “With his history, he’s the last person who would want to take advantage of you.” 

“What if I want to be taken advantage of?” Theseus mumbles with a sulk and Newt turns red. 

“Thee! I don’t want to know that about you.” Newt exclaims and Theseus rolls his eyes.  

“What you scared of, Theseus?” Jacob asks and Theseus swallows. “You and Percy are a pretty good match and it ain’t like you want anyone else.” Jacob’s right there, he’s not interested in anyone else and hasn’t been for a while. Everyone looks at him expectantly and Theseus sighs. It’s not like he has any dignity to hang on to anyway. 

“It’s safe to say I did not handle Leta’s death well.” He says shakily. “Percival’s a powerful wizard and what’s more, he has a target on his back. If something happened to him, I won’t survive it and I can’t-” His voice breaks and Theseus draws in a shaky breath. “I can’t do that again.” He says softly. 

His words hang in the air and a somber silence settles over everyone.  

“Do you regret falling in love with her?” Queenie asks softly. Even without thinking about it, his response is ‘no’. Losing Leta hurt but loving her was some of the best moments of his life. He wouldn’t trade those for anything. 

“We all get scared too you know.” Tina says conversationally. “I may never come back from a raid, Grindelwald could find Queenie, Jacob doesn’t even have any magic and Morrigan forbid Betty makes a mistake and kills Newt.” 

“Betty would never-”  

“The point is-” Tina continues firmly. “-that we could all lose each other someday but we stay together in spite of and because of that.” She says and Newt reaches out to take her hand.  

“He makes you happy, Thes.” Newt says, picking up from where Tina left. “You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that your happiness coincides with Percival’s arrival.” 

 “I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m just a friend.” Theseus mumbles and Tina rolls her eyes.  

“I don’t know ‘bout you but I don’t go to bed with my friends.” Jacob says teasingly and Theseus blushes.  

“Tell you what, why don’t you go home and talk to him about it?” Newt says. “If he says no and I’m pretty certain he won’t but if he does, you can come stay by our place.” Tina nods along with his brother and Theseus swallows.  

He’d rather leave the country but he has to sort out the mess between him and Percival. If not for himself, then for Percy. His friend’s been through enough without him complicating things. Tina apparates with him back to his place because they don’t trust him enough to do so himself which, considering current events, is a fair assessment.  

She gives him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before disapparating and Theseus is left to face Percival alone. 

* * *

 

Theseus hesitantly walks into his house. He’s spent quite a few moments psyching himself up to talk to Percival and now he just wants to get it over with. If things go poorly, he has Newt and he can just...take more assignments out of Britain. 

Percival is sitting at the kitchen counter and his face lights up when he sees Theseus. “Thank Morrigan, I was beginning to worry.” He says. He waves a hand and the kettle goes on for some tea. Theseus swallows thickly.  _Here goes nothing._  

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Percival asks softly and Theseus nods. He sits opposite Percival and summons up the courage to ask the question he’s been wondering all night.  

“I, um, Queenie said something interesting tonight and I...” Theseus closes his eyes and just blurts it out. “A-Are you in love with me?” He asks, dreading the answer. Percival remains silent and Theseus’ stomach sinks. He was right, Percival doesn’t love him so all his debating was a waste of time. He supposes that he should feel smug because he was right and all his friend were wrong but he just really hurts. 

“Theseus, please look at me.” Percival says and Theseus manages to do so because they’re both adults here and no matter how much hearing he’s not wanted hurts, he’s going to take it. Percival takes a moment to collect himself before speaking. 

“The one thing Grindelwald granted me during those four months was time to think and I did a lot of it.” Percival says, his voice wavering slightly. “The one thing that stuck out was our time in the war. People were dying all around us, your brother was risking his life to pet dragons of all things, sometimes it seemed as though it would never end but...I remember being so happy with you.” He reaches out to take Theseus’ hand in his and their fingers intertwine.  

“I threw away our relationship for MACUSA and at that moment, all I could think of was that I’d traded that happiness for a lifetime of servitude with a government who didn’t care enough about me to notice I was replaced.” Theseus’ heart is in his throat and he has so much to say but he stays silent. 

“After they’d found me, I looked into what you were doing and found out you were engaged and I came to peace with that.” Percival continues. “Even after Paris, I never expected anything but then we started writing letters and you asked me to move in and for the first time in a long while, things fit. You’re asking me if I am in love with you but if I’m being honest, I never fell out of love with you.” 

Theseus’ throat is clogged with emotion and he realizes with shock that Percival’s been waiting for him this whole time. “W-What if I can’t?” Theseus whispers, his voice trembling with emotion. “W-What if I can’t give you that back?”  

“That’s alright.” Percival replies gently. “You’ve given me friends and family, a house, a shoulder to cry on, a partner and every night I get to go to bed with you. That alone is more than anything I could have dreamt of. If that’s all you can give me then I will be content.” Theseus struggles to hold back tears, partly because of Percy’s words but also because he cannot understand how Percival does not know that he deserves everything. 

“Thes? Talk to me, I just spilled all my secrets to you.” Percival says lightly but Theseus can hear the underlying tone of insecurity in his voice and that alone gives him the strength to speak. 

“I suspect you already know this seeing as all our friends do but I am...madly in love with you. I’m just...I’m just so scared.” He says softly. “I can’t lose you. I  **can’t**. Just the thought that you could one day be killed terrifies me.” Percival nods.  

“I feel the same about you.” He says. “Every time you go on a raid, I wonder if that’s the last time I’m going to see you. I know you’d never allow it but there are many days where I just want to tie you down and not let you leave.” Theseus snorts weakly and he squeezes Percival’s hand. 

“You ever do that and you’ll be sleeping on your own for a month.” He says and Percival chuckles. 

“I don’t doubt that.” He replies. “I can’t promise that you won’t lose me any more than you can promise I won’t lose you but what I can promise, is to love you every day we’re together. Is that enough?” 

Theseus nods frantically. “That’s...That’s all I need.” He says shakily and Percival is across the counter and tugging him into his arms. He holds on tight to him and they hold each other close for a few seconds before his mouth finds Percy’s and they’re kissing. Unlike the kiss at the Ministry, this is slow and gentle. Percival cradles his head and pulls him even closer and it feels like the beginning of something new.  

They pull apart for air and Theseus rests his forehead against Percy’s. They take in a few moments to just breath in the other person and Theseus’ mind goes back to a couple of hours ago and he can’t help but giggle.  

“What?” Percival asks as he leans up to plant a kiss on the tip of his nose and Theseus feels warmth spread through him.  

“Just...how I panicked earlier. I went back to Jacob’s and had a meltdown over the fact that I kissed you and you pulled away.” He murmurs and Percival laughs. “Why did you pull away anyway?” Theseus asks. 

“One of us had to and it wasn’t going to be you, you looked like you were ready to take me right there.” Percival replies and Theseus feels blood rush to his face. “Plus, I don’t want an audience when I do fuck you.” His voice is low and gruff and Theseus actually shudders. “If I recall correctly, you get pretty loud and I don’t want anyone else hearing you like that.” Theseus is glad one of them can keep their heads long enough to make those decisions because in that moment, he won’t have cared if everyone heard him. 

Still, he needs to keep  _some_  dignity. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He mumbles with a blush and Percival laughs.  

“Really now, because I remember having to cast  _silencio_ because someone couldn’t stay quiet.” He teases and Theseus glares at him. Percival chuckles and Theseus knows he’s screwed because he’ll do anything to keep a smile on his face.  

“Bed?” He asks and Percival gives a mock gasp. 

“Why Mr. Scamander, I’m not that kind of girl.” He replies and Theseus snorts. The duo settles in bed and Percival doesn’t hesitate to wrap himself around Theseus. His head is laying on Theseus’ chest and Theseus runs his hand through Percy’s hair. He thought he’d panic if Percival actually felt something for him but he just feels calm.  

“You’re going to have to be patient with me. I-If we’re doing this. A-And maybe we should start looking for a new place. This is was ‘our’ house, Leta and I's, and I want a fresh start. If we’re doing this.” He stammers and he feels Percival nod.  

“You’re going to have to be patient with me as well. I’m not the same man I was all those years back. He broke something in me, Thes and I don’t think I can ever fix it.” Percival replies in a low voice and Theseus tilts his face upwards. 

“You’re not broken.” He says firmly. “Percy, he tortured you for months and yet, he never found out about me or Newt or even any of MACUSA inner secrets. Yes, there are days when you’re not at your best but you’re not broken.” Percival’s eyes are gleaming with tears and Theseus readjusts them so Percy’s face is tucked into the crook of his neck.  

“I couldn’t have survived what you went through and the fact that you now train wizards to hunt down the bastard speaks to your strength.” Theseus murmurs as he resumes his task of running his fingers through Percival’s hair. He can feel his neck getting wet and Percival shivers against him but he has to say this. “You make me feel safe and protected and I don’t think a broken person could do that. There’s nothing to fix, you’re whole and perfect just the way you are.” 

Percival shudders in his arms and Theseus holds him through it. His fingers keep running through Percival’s hair and he makes the best soothing sounds he knows (courtesy of Newt) until he feels Percival relax against him. The two lay in a comfortable silence until Theseus remembers another important revelation from their friends. 

“By the way, the entire Ministry thinks we’re shagging.” 

“What?!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends this saga. I feel as though Grindelwald would definitely use Queenie as a means to control people because when has Grindelwald ever done nice things? I know the whole 'clueless gay' stereotype has been used a lot but as a bisexual, I can confirm that we really are this fucking clueless. 
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who's subscribed and commented. I lost my father 3 months to today and writing this story has helped me deal with my grief in ways I didn't think it would. I currently have several finals to prepare for so goodbye and I hope you liked it.


	6. Oneshots

Welcome back! I hope there's still some sort of vague interest in this ship. I've decided to make this particular AU a series but I will be having one shots outside of this universe if people are interested. Would people be interested in me getting a Tumblr account so they could submit asks and prompts? I used to have one but Tumblr is lowkey a trashcan so I left but if that would make submitting prompts easier, I would love to get another account. I hope you all enjoy the next installation and let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I feel as though grief is a very weird thing. Like...how do you move on when someone who was such a large part of your life is gone? There's no right way to keep going and everything is just kinda fucked for a while. Anyway, I wanted to delve into Theseus' character and explore how he would deal with grief.


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